Today is the end of a week. A very busy week after all of the Holiday celebrations are over. I have been being selfish this week. I am never selfish. I never do anything for myself, I only do things that benefit my children and husband and house. I'm sure there are ways I am selfish and don't know it, but on the outside I don't realize it. I am trying to be more selfish. Not in a bad way but a way to better my family and myself.
Let me explain. I am always doing things for others. I am not very good at saying 'NO' when asked to help with events at church and other places. I felt it was my duty, not realizing I was neglecting my main duty. God puts us all in different areas because we have different talents. I am in NO WAY a perfect parent, and I would never claim to be, but I do feel that God has called me to be a mom. Period. My job on this earth while I can, is to teach them about the Lord, number one. Teach them morals, values, caring, kindness, how to have a servants heart and how to be a useful and good Christian leader in this self centered world. I don't know if I am doing it right or well, but I pray daily for God's help and guidance, and I trust Him.
So I have started saying 'NO'. It's not that I don't want to be involved outside of the house, but we are backing down from extra curricular activities for each kid, skimming the fat off of the unnecessary, redirecting what is necessary and replanning our days and nights. Simplifying our time away from home. We are striving for more family time, more time as a collective unit to prepare these children for the future. My husband works weird and different hours daily. It's hard to plan ahead. Sometimes it feels like he is never home. So when he is home in the evening we want to take advantage of it. We don't want to be at meetings, or events. We want to be home teaching them about what it means to be a Godly family. Selfish? You decide.
I have also been selfish for myself lately. Over the years, simply being at home with the kids and having four children, I have increasingly gained more weight. So this year my vow was now that the kids are older and can help out more with things around the house, it's my time to get healthy and back into shape, so I can live longer and healthier first for Him and for them. So my purging has been pushed to the side so I could spend my fleetingly free moments at the gym I joined.
I did not completely give up however. My main goals for this year is to get healthy, get organized, simplify, get closer to my family, and especially bring my family closer to God. (Not in that order).
Here are a few things I have gotten accomplished. While putting away Christmas decorations, it dawned on me that I didn't put out half of what we own. I never do. So I made a command decision to get rid of anything we didn't use that didn't have sentimental value. It was actually quite a bit. I rearranged our living room, bringing up our long lost couch from the basement that we have been missing, and in doing so purged many items.
I had to move our homeschool bookshelf, which was OVERFLOWING with books. Since it's our second year, I know what we use and don't use, so I got rid of a big box of books, and since the kids got new board games for Christmas, we got rid of all of our preschool puzzles and other games from our game cabinet. I have been holding onto all of my old VHS movies, because we have a DVD/VCR combo - but the VCR unit quit working two years ago. I kept having the intention of fixing it, but it hasn't gotten done, so I cleared out about 60 VHS movies to get rid of to make room for all of the DVD's that have been lying around. (Our family is a big movie family). I also have spent some time organizing paper work for my business and my home, and though I have a long way to go - it was nice to get a bunch moved off my dining room table.
I have a loooong way to go in many areas of my life, but little by little and with God's help, we will get this done. It's important, and one day I can't wait to look around my house and see nothing but the most simple necessities and my favorite people and my vision of a Godly house.
Good luck!
Friday, January 9, 2015
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Simplify
There are many Bible verses that come to mind when I think of simplifying our lives for God. The one that stands out that I find myself attempting to live by each day, however, is Matthew 6:19-21. It says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also".
Every time I find myself wanting something for my house or for myself, or my kids are begging for new toys or video games or "things", I pull out this verse. I have to confess it has kept me from making many unnecessary purchases in the past and I hope it will in the future as well.
My kids know the verse well these days. The temptations around us daily are too thick for even the most devout person to get through at times, especially children that are still learning what is necessary and what is not. Society says more is better, bigger is better! We can't watch a t.v. show without being bombarded by commercials for new things, and upgrades to things we already have that were new only a month or two ago, or things we supposedly can't live without. Yes, sometimes these things look super cool and I wish I had them, but then reality kicks in. This verse, rather, kicks in. It reminds me that in this world, less should be more. Our relationship is with God. That relationship is worth more than all of the riches of this earth. The buzz you get when you make a new purchase is only temporary and fades, but the buzz we get from our relationship with God never ends and only builds us up and makes us better. "Things" don't make me happy, my family that God has blessed me with makes me happy. The friends that God has blessed me with makes me happy. Helping others that God has allowed me to help, makes me happy.
It makes me sad to see our society so Godless and empty lately. So many people, especially the youth, have been caught in this constant temptation and feel entitled to have whatever their heart desires. This is creating an empty and selfish world for many. I pray daily that I don't fall prey and that my kids learn this lesson early and often that something they like or want does not equal something they need. I don't always succeed or profess myself to be perfect or without temptations of worldly goods. However, I will continue to strive for that simplicity.
Recently I posted on my Facebook page that our family has already started the process of implementing life changes to our family. I explained that as a family we have decided to get rid of a good majority of what we own. Our house is full. We have a decent sized house but there are 6 people, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 6 daycare children that occupy it daily. That doesn't leave a lot of room. We have too much furniture, too much paperwork, too much stuff. Over half of what we own we do not need. The purpose is to simplify. Decluttering and having less "stuff" will make life less stressful in many ways. One way is it will mean less cleaning and picking up, less concern for items we own, and more time to put our focus where it is truly needed, on God. Our goal is to simplify our worldly lives to start 'storing up our treasures in Heaven', by being more present with God.
A few people suggested I should blog about this because they too are interested in simplifying. I am in NO WAY a professional organizer, or even been called organized since my daughter was born 5 years ago. I will blog about our process, and our journey. Maybe it will help motivate someone to try to simplify their lives as well. This will be a long process for our family because surely life will get in the way and other obligations will come up. Our goal is to get rid of most of the stuff within a year - then maintain our simplified attitude. So here goes....welcome to our journey! Step one: clothes!
Heavenly Father, Fill our hearts daily with the strength we need to fight temptations. Help us to understand that things of this world will deteriorate and break and get ruined, but our relationship with you will always be strong. Guide me Lord to teach this to my own children. Let me be strong in the journey and let go of those "things" we no longer need that keeps us from getting closer to you. Thank you for all of the blessings you have given us.
Amen
Every time I find myself wanting something for my house or for myself, or my kids are begging for new toys or video games or "things", I pull out this verse. I have to confess it has kept me from making many unnecessary purchases in the past and I hope it will in the future as well.
My kids know the verse well these days. The temptations around us daily are too thick for even the most devout person to get through at times, especially children that are still learning what is necessary and what is not. Society says more is better, bigger is better! We can't watch a t.v. show without being bombarded by commercials for new things, and upgrades to things we already have that were new only a month or two ago, or things we supposedly can't live without. Yes, sometimes these things look super cool and I wish I had them, but then reality kicks in. This verse, rather, kicks in. It reminds me that in this world, less should be more. Our relationship is with God. That relationship is worth more than all of the riches of this earth. The buzz you get when you make a new purchase is only temporary and fades, but the buzz we get from our relationship with God never ends and only builds us up and makes us better. "Things" don't make me happy, my family that God has blessed me with makes me happy. The friends that God has blessed me with makes me happy. Helping others that God has allowed me to help, makes me happy.
It makes me sad to see our society so Godless and empty lately. So many people, especially the youth, have been caught in this constant temptation and feel entitled to have whatever their heart desires. This is creating an empty and selfish world for many. I pray daily that I don't fall prey and that my kids learn this lesson early and often that something they like or want does not equal something they need. I don't always succeed or profess myself to be perfect or without temptations of worldly goods. However, I will continue to strive for that simplicity.
Recently I posted on my Facebook page that our family has already started the process of implementing life changes to our family. I explained that as a family we have decided to get rid of a good majority of what we own. Our house is full. We have a decent sized house but there are 6 people, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 6 daycare children that occupy it daily. That doesn't leave a lot of room. We have too much furniture, too much paperwork, too much stuff. Over half of what we own we do not need. The purpose is to simplify. Decluttering and having less "stuff" will make life less stressful in many ways. One way is it will mean less cleaning and picking up, less concern for items we own, and more time to put our focus where it is truly needed, on God. Our goal is to simplify our worldly lives to start 'storing up our treasures in Heaven', by being more present with God.
A few people suggested I should blog about this because they too are interested in simplifying. I am in NO WAY a professional organizer, or even been called organized since my daughter was born 5 years ago. I will blog about our process, and our journey. Maybe it will help motivate someone to try to simplify their lives as well. This will be a long process for our family because surely life will get in the way and other obligations will come up. Our goal is to get rid of most of the stuff within a year - then maintain our simplified attitude. So here goes....welcome to our journey! Step one: clothes!
Heavenly Father, Fill our hearts daily with the strength we need to fight temptations. Help us to understand that things of this world will deteriorate and break and get ruined, but our relationship with you will always be strong. Guide me Lord to teach this to my own children. Let me be strong in the journey and let go of those "things" we no longer need that keeps us from getting closer to you. Thank you for all of the blessings you have given us.
Amen
Thursday, March 22, 2012
I will Follow you Lord....but....
"Yet another said, 'I will follow You, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home" Luke 9:61
Have you ever said that word "but"? It means you are unsure, self conscious, not confident, and uncommitted. You might want to do something...but...something gets in the way. You might want to be a certain way...but...you are too scared to change your habits or try something new. I think for many of us that word rears its ugly head quite often. Why is it so hard to get around that word? Why can't we just say, I want to go for a bike ride. Period. And then do it? Because we have that little foe of ours called the Devil that whispers in our ear. He causes doubt in us, He creates a fear in us that doesn't allow us to overcome. Sometimes I even feel that way in following the Lord.
I am very involved in my church I would say. I help plan events, I am at every worship service, I teach church classes, I cook meals, etc. I want to commit to everything but then I realize, where does that leave my husband and kids? Left to fend for themselves, unattached to me. That's not what I want either. I feel torn, just like the disciples did when they followed Jesus. They knew the risks. They knew that it would endanger their lives and it would be a hard road to follow...but...they also knew they had a family to take care of and other things to tend to. So eventually, many disciples would end up back at home. I understand that. I want to follow Jesus. I want to feel compelled to say yes to every thing at church and to do everything I can to spread his word - but I also realize that God blessed me with the 4 most beautiful children I could imagine, inside and out, and the most amazing husband. He gave me these people to grow, and fill with his Word, and to teach them about Jesus, so that one day they might be great witnesses to others. Maybe they will grow up and help the sick, feed the hungry, love others the way God wants us too. That is if I do my job right.
So yes, I still have a habit of over booking myself at church things, but that is my "free time" and I know I am needed there - BUT - I have also come to understand my other purpose that the Lord has given me and I am embracing that. I am a teacher at home too, and it is probably my most important role. So the word but is not interfering with my life right now. I have prayed to overcome this burdening word and now say yes to some things and no to others without finding that pesky word thrown in. I can do both. I just have to work hard at helping wherever God wants me to help. So I will follow you Jesus, wherever you take me. Without fear, without reservation, because I know you will always be there for me. Trust in the Lord!
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please help me in organizing my life so that I may help where I am needed at church and teach my young children to follow you. Guide me daily to make the right choices that will benefit the church and my family and help me to continue to overcome the fear and doubt that the word 'but' can instill in people. By doing this, please help me to tune out the doubting words of the Devil whispering in my ears and help me to hear the trumpets of Heaven and the words from the Bible to keep me on the right path. Fill me with courage that I may follow wherever you lead me.
Amen
Have you ever said that word "but"? It means you are unsure, self conscious, not confident, and uncommitted. You might want to do something...but...something gets in the way. You might want to be a certain way...but...you are too scared to change your habits or try something new. I think for many of us that word rears its ugly head quite often. Why is it so hard to get around that word? Why can't we just say, I want to go for a bike ride. Period. And then do it? Because we have that little foe of ours called the Devil that whispers in our ear. He causes doubt in us, He creates a fear in us that doesn't allow us to overcome. Sometimes I even feel that way in following the Lord.
I am very involved in my church I would say. I help plan events, I am at every worship service, I teach church classes, I cook meals, etc. I want to commit to everything but then I realize, where does that leave my husband and kids? Left to fend for themselves, unattached to me. That's not what I want either. I feel torn, just like the disciples did when they followed Jesus. They knew the risks. They knew that it would endanger their lives and it would be a hard road to follow...but...they also knew they had a family to take care of and other things to tend to. So eventually, many disciples would end up back at home. I understand that. I want to follow Jesus. I want to feel compelled to say yes to every thing at church and to do everything I can to spread his word - but I also realize that God blessed me with the 4 most beautiful children I could imagine, inside and out, and the most amazing husband. He gave me these people to grow, and fill with his Word, and to teach them about Jesus, so that one day they might be great witnesses to others. Maybe they will grow up and help the sick, feed the hungry, love others the way God wants us too. That is if I do my job right.
So yes, I still have a habit of over booking myself at church things, but that is my "free time" and I know I am needed there - BUT - I have also come to understand my other purpose that the Lord has given me and I am embracing that. I am a teacher at home too, and it is probably my most important role. So the word but is not interfering with my life right now. I have prayed to overcome this burdening word and now say yes to some things and no to others without finding that pesky word thrown in. I can do both. I just have to work hard at helping wherever God wants me to help. So I will follow you Jesus, wherever you take me. Without fear, without reservation, because I know you will always be there for me. Trust in the Lord!
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please help me in organizing my life so that I may help where I am needed at church and teach my young children to follow you. Guide me daily to make the right choices that will benefit the church and my family and help me to continue to overcome the fear and doubt that the word 'but' can instill in people. By doing this, please help me to tune out the doubting words of the Devil whispering in my ears and help me to hear the trumpets of Heaven and the words from the Bible to keep me on the right path. Fill me with courage that I may follow wherever you lead me.
Amen
Friday, February 17, 2012
How can I be chosen??
John 15:16-19 You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that you should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remin; that whatsoever you shall ask of the Father in My name, He may give it you. These things I command you, that you love one another. If the world hate you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love his own; but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you
Again with the 'me' and 'I' statments. It's so hard to get away from them in this life. It's so hard to make everything you do selfless when as humans we need so much! But the question, am I chosen to do this or this has come into my head a lot lately. I know that God has a plan for each of us, and none of us are accidents. We are all part of His plan. Sometimes people have a very hard time giving their lives to the Lord and letting him direct their path, me included. I was inspired to write today because I have been so busy lately with life and church and date nights with my kids, but I was reading in a prayer book that I had gotten from my LWML Convention last summer and was reinspired! Here is the message I read that made me feel alot better about my lack of acknowledging that God chose me as His people! This excerpt is taken from the book 'You Make A Difference' by Alma Kern.
Yes!You!
Moses was one of the greatest men of all times. He was the leader of God's ancient people.
How did Moses react when God chose him? He made all kinds of excuses: They won't believe me. They won't do what I tell them. I'm not a good speaker. O Lord, please send someone else. (sound familiar?)
What God tells us to do is often not what we want to be doing. We look for excuses. We put ourselves down, so we'll be excused.
Jesus is our Savior, also our Lord and Master. He laid down his life for us. He expects us to live our life for Him.
A few of our assignments are: Love your neighbor, forgive those who hurt you. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who mistreat you. Be salt of the earth, light of the world. Be a witness, tell other people about Jesus.
We are inclined to respon, " Who? Me? You've got more confidence in me than I have. I can't do these things. No way! O Lord, please send someone else."
We may be tempted to ask, "Who? Me?" We already know the anser: Yes! You!
We all do this, don't we? We don't stand confidently in the Lord? We are cowards and are afraid to to be bold and take ownership of our Christian tasks!
I have many things going on at church right now. I am teaching midweek, helping with all youth activities and planning, a member of the choir, on the board of Evangelism, in LWML and a women's circle, and the chair of the National Youth Gathering committee. But I am addicted. I need more more more! Church is not a responsibility to me anymore, it is my enjoyment, my free time and my outlet. I recently found an awesome women's Bible study that I wanted to do with a small group, and showed it to my friend at church and was pleased that she was so excited about it, she wanted to open it up to the whole church! I feel my path with the Lord is pulling me (sometimes in different directions) but I feel like I am gaining confidence in my roles and have talents at the Church in certain areas.
I am no longer asking am I worthy or why am I chosen for this all the time (only some of the time). I am enjoying sharing my talents with others and using some of my talents to help the church. I hope to continue to help with whatever I can.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the talents you have given to me. Please help me to continue to use those talents to be selfless and help others. Help me to not question your path for me and to give my life to you daily. Thank you for my church and my friends that appreciate me for me and accept me as another chosen member of their congregation. Thank you for all these gifts.
Amen
Again with the 'me' and 'I' statments. It's so hard to get away from them in this life. It's so hard to make everything you do selfless when as humans we need so much! But the question, am I chosen to do this or this has come into my head a lot lately. I know that God has a plan for each of us, and none of us are accidents. We are all part of His plan. Sometimes people have a very hard time giving their lives to the Lord and letting him direct their path, me included. I was inspired to write today because I have been so busy lately with life and church and date nights with my kids, but I was reading in a prayer book that I had gotten from my LWML Convention last summer and was reinspired! Here is the message I read that made me feel alot better about my lack of acknowledging that God chose me as His people! This excerpt is taken from the book 'You Make A Difference' by Alma Kern.
Yes!You!
Moses was one of the greatest men of all times. He was the leader of God's ancient people.
How did Moses react when God chose him? He made all kinds of excuses: They won't believe me. They won't do what I tell them. I'm not a good speaker. O Lord, please send someone else. (sound familiar?)
What God tells us to do is often not what we want to be doing. We look for excuses. We put ourselves down, so we'll be excused.
Jesus is our Savior, also our Lord and Master. He laid down his life for us. He expects us to live our life for Him.
A few of our assignments are: Love your neighbor, forgive those who hurt you. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who mistreat you. Be salt of the earth, light of the world. Be a witness, tell other people about Jesus.
We are inclined to respon, " Who? Me? You've got more confidence in me than I have. I can't do these things. No way! O Lord, please send someone else."
We may be tempted to ask, "Who? Me?" We already know the anser: Yes! You!
We all do this, don't we? We don't stand confidently in the Lord? We are cowards and are afraid to to be bold and take ownership of our Christian tasks!
I have many things going on at church right now. I am teaching midweek, helping with all youth activities and planning, a member of the choir, on the board of Evangelism, in LWML and a women's circle, and the chair of the National Youth Gathering committee. But I am addicted. I need more more more! Church is not a responsibility to me anymore, it is my enjoyment, my free time and my outlet. I recently found an awesome women's Bible study that I wanted to do with a small group, and showed it to my friend at church and was pleased that she was so excited about it, she wanted to open it up to the whole church! I feel my path with the Lord is pulling me (sometimes in different directions) but I feel like I am gaining confidence in my roles and have talents at the Church in certain areas.
I am no longer asking am I worthy or why am I chosen for this all the time (only some of the time). I am enjoying sharing my talents with others and using some of my talents to help the church. I hope to continue to help with whatever I can.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the talents you have given to me. Please help me to continue to use those talents to be selfless and help others. Help me to not question your path for me and to give my life to you daily. Thank you for my church and my friends that appreciate me for me and accept me as another chosen member of their congregation. Thank you for all these gifts.
Amen
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Jesus is the Reason for the Season
Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace
Us as Christians know this. That Jesus is the reason of the season, but even as Christians, we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of decorations, trees, baking, shopping, gifts and greed. What should be a time of year to become closer to our Lord and celebrate the most wonderful day of the world, his birth, has even been manipulated by the Devil. Once again that Devil has found a way to entice us and wrap us up in the unimportant aspects of this holiday. The original concept of gift giving was a way to show people love, but now it is a way to buy people's love. People are consumed with buying, and wanting, the most expensive and up to date gifts and kids are disappointed when parents and "Santa" don't buy them everything in the entire toy store and don't realize they don't need it. Want, want, want. It is the word that makes this world selfish. I try to explain it to my kids, but even they are selfish about gifts. They look through the Toys R Us Big book and say they want it to everything (except the girl toys). I feel like I haven't taught them very well how to celebrate Jesus on this Holiday.
Just the other day I told my oldest, who is now 7 1/2, that we are attending worship service at 10am on Christmas Sunday, and he got mad!! I was shocked. I know he knows what Christmas is all about, but his reaction to having to go to church on one of the two most important days of the year, instead of staying home to play with his new treasures, made my heart unhappy. How do I draw that fine line. It's ok to get a few gifts at Christmas but it's NOT ok to be greedy and forget the real reason for the holiday. Jesus comes first! How did he miss that lesson? I think this year we are going to heavily concentrate on the story of the nativity and the real story of Christmas and remind them that the gifts are just a bonus, but not the reason for the holiday.
I want it to come naturally for my kids to just live with Christ in their hearts. I know that this is difficult for all humans because we are sinful beings, but I want them to wear Christ daily more than the average person. I want them to strive for that too.
Us as Christians know this. That Jesus is the reason of the season, but even as Christians, we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of decorations, trees, baking, shopping, gifts and greed. What should be a time of year to become closer to our Lord and celebrate the most wonderful day of the world, his birth, has even been manipulated by the Devil. Once again that Devil has found a way to entice us and wrap us up in the unimportant aspects of this holiday. The original concept of gift giving was a way to show people love, but now it is a way to buy people's love. People are consumed with buying, and wanting, the most expensive and up to date gifts and kids are disappointed when parents and "Santa" don't buy them everything in the entire toy store and don't realize they don't need it. Want, want, want. It is the word that makes this world selfish. I try to explain it to my kids, but even they are selfish about gifts. They look through the Toys R Us Big book and say they want it to everything (except the girl toys). I feel like I haven't taught them very well how to celebrate Jesus on this Holiday.
Just the other day I told my oldest, who is now 7 1/2, that we are attending worship service at 10am on Christmas Sunday, and he got mad!! I was shocked. I know he knows what Christmas is all about, but his reaction to having to go to church on one of the two most important days of the year, instead of staying home to play with his new treasures, made my heart unhappy. How do I draw that fine line. It's ok to get a few gifts at Christmas but it's NOT ok to be greedy and forget the real reason for the holiday. Jesus comes first! How did he miss that lesson? I think this year we are going to heavily concentrate on the story of the nativity and the real story of Christmas and remind them that the gifts are just a bonus, but not the reason for the holiday.
I want it to come naturally for my kids to just live with Christ in their hearts. I know that this is difficult for all humans because we are sinful beings, but I want them to wear Christ daily more than the average person. I want them to strive for that too.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Lord I lift your name on high!
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. I'm sure you all have heard or at some point in your life even sang this church song. It's about telling everyone the good news of Jesus, not hiding him but sharing him and the light he gives us when we know him. If we share our light and pass it on, then the next person passes it on, then we could light up the whole world! Wouldn't that be nice? Too bad it's not that easy. Too bad we have the Devil to contend with that wiggles into our hearts and minds and pushes us to make bad decisions and act in an ungodly manner. It's a battle that each of us fights everyday.
I can't believe it's been 4 months again since I've posted on this blog. It has been a whirlwind for the last few months and I am just trying to keep my head screwed on tight. I feel lifted up lately. I feel closer to God than I ever have in my life and I am doing my best to share my faith and surround myself by faith centered people. I have become even more involved in our church lately and feel motivated and led by God to work with the youth of our church. My brain moves a thousand miles a minute thinking of new ideas to try and get the youth more involved and more motivated and have been working directly with the Youth Director of our church to help wherever I can. Since my last post I have convinced our Youth Director that we need to take our youth to the National LCMS Youth Gathering in San Antonio, TX in July 2013. She has never been herself - I went in 1998 to Atlanta, GA and it was by far the most amazing thing I've ever done in my Christian life. I can't even explain to our youth how awesome it was and will be for them, and they aren't yet convinced that it is what they want to do, but I'm hoping to convince them. It is an awesome experience to worship and praise the Lord with 30,000 other youth and leaders from across the country.
Though my motivation is to work with the youth and I feel God leading me in that direction, I feel that I am failing miserably as a parent. I take the kids to church each Sunday and they are involved in all that they can be at church for their age, but once we get home I drop the ball. I say things about Jesus from time to time, but don't do any children's devotionals with them, or read them Christian stories or talk about Jesus in everything we do, and I strive to be much better about that. I don't want them to think that being a Christian stops at the door of the church. I also pray that my own family (sisters and parents) will find the Lord again and find a church that they can become a part of and worship with because we all went every Sunday growing up and it makes me sad that they aren't as active as they used to be. So I will continue my work on myself and with the Lord. As we approach this Advent season I hope you all feel closer to the Lord and find a church that you can worship at and be a part of. It's so important to keep Him close. "If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit" Galatians 5:25
God help me to put the spirit of the Lord in my own children daily and teach them about their Savior and his sacrifice for us and His love that is never ending. I pray that I can teach them to talk to the Lord daily and serve Him in all they do and not be afraid to tell others about their love for Jesus. I also pray that I can help my parents and sisters find the Lord again and realize that making time for the Lord, as they used to do, will renew them daily. -Amen.
I can't believe it's been 4 months again since I've posted on this blog. It has been a whirlwind for the last few months and I am just trying to keep my head screwed on tight. I feel lifted up lately. I feel closer to God than I ever have in my life and I am doing my best to share my faith and surround myself by faith centered people. I have become even more involved in our church lately and feel motivated and led by God to work with the youth of our church. My brain moves a thousand miles a minute thinking of new ideas to try and get the youth more involved and more motivated and have been working directly with the Youth Director of our church to help wherever I can. Since my last post I have convinced our Youth Director that we need to take our youth to the National LCMS Youth Gathering in San Antonio, TX in July 2013. She has never been herself - I went in 1998 to Atlanta, GA and it was by far the most amazing thing I've ever done in my Christian life. I can't even explain to our youth how awesome it was and will be for them, and they aren't yet convinced that it is what they want to do, but I'm hoping to convince them. It is an awesome experience to worship and praise the Lord with 30,000 other youth and leaders from across the country.
Though my motivation is to work with the youth and I feel God leading me in that direction, I feel that I am failing miserably as a parent. I take the kids to church each Sunday and they are involved in all that they can be at church for their age, but once we get home I drop the ball. I say things about Jesus from time to time, but don't do any children's devotionals with them, or read them Christian stories or talk about Jesus in everything we do, and I strive to be much better about that. I don't want them to think that being a Christian stops at the door of the church. I also pray that my own family (sisters and parents) will find the Lord again and find a church that they can become a part of and worship with because we all went every Sunday growing up and it makes me sad that they aren't as active as they used to be. So I will continue my work on myself and with the Lord. As we approach this Advent season I hope you all feel closer to the Lord and find a church that you can worship at and be a part of. It's so important to keep Him close. "If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit" Galatians 5:25
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Wow, changes.
So I realized that I hadn't posted on this blog in five months. The realization of this is also that that was about the last time I really worked out, so needless to say I haven't lost any weight. I have discovered that I have no time for anything besides getting through my days. I hope that as my kids get just a bit older, I can begin to work on myself in many ways. So since my progress is so slow physically, then I have decided to make changes in other areas of my life where it isn't so time consuming. One of those things is my church and spiritual life. I have always been a church goer, minus my hiatus during college years. Over the last five years we have gotten really involved in our church and it feels good to be with people of a like faith and passion for Christ again.
So with that said, I have decided that as much as I'd like something to be about me to make my life separate from my children, from my husband, from my friends, and family, the one that I can NEVER be separate from is Christ. He is with me in everything that I do and everywhere that I go. Good or bad, thick or thin, he is with me until the end. So with that knowledge, I can't honestly say it's All About Me anymore, I should say It's All About Him. I am trying to live my life for Him and raise my children in His image and even with weight loss, it's to be healthy so I can be a better witness for him for a longer time.
My passion in Christ was renewed back in June, when I was chosen for our NE district to be a Young Women Representative at the National Lutheran Women in Mission League in Peoria, IL. It was an honor of sorts and it was a chance for me to learn how to Live on the Edge. I had never left my four kids for five days, or had never been thrown into a situation where I wouldn't know anyone except for a small handful of other church women. But I have ideas, and I have goals for my Church, for my position as a young woman witness for Christ. This was an opportunity to learn how, to equip myself with the tools needed to do something more than just cook hot dogs at a church function. I want to inspire someone else to join LWML, or our church or better yet, to follow Christ!
So this blog is taking a detour. It is following a path that is directed toward the Lord. We have our seat belts on and I will hopefully be making a difference in someone else's life. It is NOT All About Me, as much as it would be nice to be for five minutes a day, but it is All About Him and our journey to Him. Maybe things I have to say will be profound, and maybe they will be a bore. But we won't know until I try. So I hope you'll stay with me and hear my thoughts, since they seem to be getting a better work out then my waist or butt.
And they realized they had been with Jesus. "For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard". Acts 4:13b &20
So with that said, I have decided that as much as I'd like something to be about me to make my life separate from my children, from my husband, from my friends, and family, the one that I can NEVER be separate from is Christ. He is with me in everything that I do and everywhere that I go. Good or bad, thick or thin, he is with me until the end. So with that knowledge, I can't honestly say it's All About Me anymore, I should say It's All About Him. I am trying to live my life for Him and raise my children in His image and even with weight loss, it's to be healthy so I can be a better witness for him for a longer time.
My passion in Christ was renewed back in June, when I was chosen for our NE district to be a Young Women Representative at the National Lutheran Women in Mission League in Peoria, IL. It was an honor of sorts and it was a chance for me to learn how to Live on the Edge. I had never left my four kids for five days, or had never been thrown into a situation where I wouldn't know anyone except for a small handful of other church women. But I have ideas, and I have goals for my Church, for my position as a young woman witness for Christ. This was an opportunity to learn how, to equip myself with the tools needed to do something more than just cook hot dogs at a church function. I want to inspire someone else to join LWML, or our church or better yet, to follow Christ!
So this blog is taking a detour. It is following a path that is directed toward the Lord. We have our seat belts on and I will hopefully be making a difference in someone else's life. It is NOT All About Me, as much as it would be nice to be for five minutes a day, but it is All About Him and our journey to Him. Maybe things I have to say will be profound, and maybe they will be a bore. But we won't know until I try. So I hope you'll stay with me and hear my thoughts, since they seem to be getting a better work out then my waist or butt.
And they realized they had been with Jesus. "For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard". Acts 4:13b &20
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Feel the Burn!
So I realize that I have been MIA once again. As you can all imagine life with 4 kids and running to and from school and running my daycare leaves very little time for typing on my blog! But here it is. I feel inspired tonight so I want to share.
It has been over a month now since I last talked to you. Let me update you on my soda diaries....I am still drinking the occasional soda but have limited it to once or twice a week rather than five a day. So I am still very proud of myself. I don't feel like I have failed at this because I've cut it down by more than half the amount and I never said I couldn't have it every once in awhile like a treat. Some people have ice cream and I have an occasional caffeine free diet coke.
I have NOT been working on training for a marathon like I had said at one point but would still like to do that. A friend of mine is doing the Couch to 5k program and I want to try it too, but feel I need to be in just a bit better shape because I have been sedentary for many many years. So first I thought I'd try my workout videos. Which leads me to the fact that I have done nothing in the last month in way of losing weight. Besides drinking less soda, I have not eaten better or worked out even once. Until now....
This week has been a transition week for me. I realized that I'm 30! Yes it's true I am. Close your mouth. As shocking as that is, it brought a realization to mind that in 10 years I am going to be 40 and even less able to lose weight and be healthy. I am extremely fearful of dying of a heart attack in my late 40's or 50's. Heart disease runs in my family, especially in women, and that being the number one killer of women causes me to worry. I have extreme amounts of stress in my daily life....loading and unloading kids in my 15 passenger van, ages 1-7 (10-11 of them) is more stressful than you can imagine. My body and spirit can't take it much more. I feel my heart racing and I just imagine one of these days it bursting. Not healthy. On top of that stress I don't get nearly as much sleep as I should, which is another risk factor for heart attack. In addition to both of these things, people with larger middles are also at higher risks for heart attack because it causes greater strain on the heart. See where I'm going with this?? So fearful of my life being cut short by such a horrible health problem, I have determined to try and be as proactive as I can. I'm going to make an appointment for a full physical and lose weight and eat better to lower cholesterol and get fit.
You are probably thinking that these are many people's goals, but I feel so fearful of my future health risks that it spurs me on and motivates me to keep pushing myself. So this week, after watching a documentary about heart risks and problems, I started logging my food and trying to estimate my old Weight Watchers points. I figured even if I can't afford to do the program, I have all the information from when I did it after having Judd that I can at least estimate and that would be better than doing nothing at all. Then tonight I pushed myself even further. With my Christmas money I had bought three workout dvds. Biggest Loser Cardio Max, Biggest Loser BootCamp DVD, and Jillian Michaels 30 Minute Shred.
*Side story*...With each consecutive pregnancy my abdominal muscles got more and more separated until they permanently separated. This is technically a muscle tissue injury and I literally have NO abdominal muscle left. This is partly why I look six months pregnant all the time. Nothing is holding my belly in. It's called a Diastasis Closure. Because my abdominal muscles are so weak, it is the cause of all my lower back trouble and my back going out (to the point that I am laid up in bed for 3 days straight on muscle relaxers). So due to these issues I started going to a Physical Therapist once a month. She taught me a bunch of moves but said whatever you do, don't do situps or crunches, etc. cause that causes it to re-separate. So I can only do the exercises she gave me to do for now until this problem hopefully heals. Which takes a super long time! So in my workout videos I cannot do the specific abdominal workouts. I can do knee lifts and that sort of thing, but not getting on the floor doing crunches, etc.
(On with the story). So tonight I tried to do my Jillian Michaels video, but she has a whole segment of ab workouts, so I turned that one off and pulled out my Biggest Loser Cardio Max. I did the warm up, Level 1, and cool down, for a total of 30 minutes. I did the WHOLE thing and am already so sore I couldn't walk up my basement steps. But I feel good. I love that work out soreness, so I'm not complaining. Hopefully if I can keep it up I will notice big changes very soon. They say heavier people lose more weight initially...so here's hoping. My oldest sister is getting married probably in early November, so that gives me a 9 month deadline to lose as much weight as possible to look good. I don't want to be the fat sister standing up there. So follow my journey of weight loss cause I am back on track and feeling good. I will have ups and downs, but am hoping to lose at least 30-50 pounds by then if not more! So say prayers and think positive motivating thoughts for me! I want so badly to do this.
So here we go!!!
It has been over a month now since I last talked to you. Let me update you on my soda diaries....I am still drinking the occasional soda but have limited it to once or twice a week rather than five a day. So I am still very proud of myself. I don't feel like I have failed at this because I've cut it down by more than half the amount and I never said I couldn't have it every once in awhile like a treat. Some people have ice cream and I have an occasional caffeine free diet coke.
I have NOT been working on training for a marathon like I had said at one point but would still like to do that. A friend of mine is doing the Couch to 5k program and I want to try it too, but feel I need to be in just a bit better shape because I have been sedentary for many many years. So first I thought I'd try my workout videos. Which leads me to the fact that I have done nothing in the last month in way of losing weight. Besides drinking less soda, I have not eaten better or worked out even once. Until now....
This week has been a transition week for me. I realized that I'm 30! Yes it's true I am. Close your mouth. As shocking as that is, it brought a realization to mind that in 10 years I am going to be 40 and even less able to lose weight and be healthy. I am extremely fearful of dying of a heart attack in my late 40's or 50's. Heart disease runs in my family, especially in women, and that being the number one killer of women causes me to worry. I have extreme amounts of stress in my daily life....loading and unloading kids in my 15 passenger van, ages 1-7 (10-11 of them) is more stressful than you can imagine. My body and spirit can't take it much more. I feel my heart racing and I just imagine one of these days it bursting. Not healthy. On top of that stress I don't get nearly as much sleep as I should, which is another risk factor for heart attack. In addition to both of these things, people with larger middles are also at higher risks for heart attack because it causes greater strain on the heart. See where I'm going with this?? So fearful of my life being cut short by such a horrible health problem, I have determined to try and be as proactive as I can. I'm going to make an appointment for a full physical and lose weight and eat better to lower cholesterol and get fit.
You are probably thinking that these are many people's goals, but I feel so fearful of my future health risks that it spurs me on and motivates me to keep pushing myself. So this week, after watching a documentary about heart risks and problems, I started logging my food and trying to estimate my old Weight Watchers points. I figured even if I can't afford to do the program, I have all the information from when I did it after having Judd that I can at least estimate and that would be better than doing nothing at all. Then tonight I pushed myself even further. With my Christmas money I had bought three workout dvds. Biggest Loser Cardio Max, Biggest Loser BootCamp DVD, and Jillian Michaels 30 Minute Shred.
*Side story*...With each consecutive pregnancy my abdominal muscles got more and more separated until they permanently separated. This is technically a muscle tissue injury and I literally have NO abdominal muscle left. This is partly why I look six months pregnant all the time. Nothing is holding my belly in. It's called a Diastasis Closure. Because my abdominal muscles are so weak, it is the cause of all my lower back trouble and my back going out (to the point that I am laid up in bed for 3 days straight on muscle relaxers). So due to these issues I started going to a Physical Therapist once a month. She taught me a bunch of moves but said whatever you do, don't do situps or crunches, etc. cause that causes it to re-separate. So I can only do the exercises she gave me to do for now until this problem hopefully heals. Which takes a super long time! So in my workout videos I cannot do the specific abdominal workouts. I can do knee lifts and that sort of thing, but not getting on the floor doing crunches, etc.
(On with the story). So tonight I tried to do my Jillian Michaels video, but she has a whole segment of ab workouts, so I turned that one off and pulled out my Biggest Loser Cardio Max. I did the warm up, Level 1, and cool down, for a total of 30 minutes. I did the WHOLE thing and am already so sore I couldn't walk up my basement steps. But I feel good. I love that work out soreness, so I'm not complaining. Hopefully if I can keep it up I will notice big changes very soon. They say heavier people lose more weight initially...so here's hoping. My oldest sister is getting married probably in early November, so that gives me a 9 month deadline to lose as much weight as possible to look good. I don't want to be the fat sister standing up there. So follow my journey of weight loss cause I am back on track and feeling good. I will have ups and downs, but am hoping to lose at least 30-50 pounds by then if not more! So say prayers and think positive motivating thoughts for me! I want so badly to do this.
So here we go!!!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Soda Diaries
Oh Soda how I love thee. You fulfill my thristy needs. You have always been there when I needed you. Even when three years ago I switched to Diet and a year and a half a go I switched to Caffeine free Diet. You must have known this was coming. I have been wanting to quit you for so long, but your control over me was too great. I was weaning myself off the calories then off the caffeine but still couldn't go a day without drinking at least 4 of you. UNTIL NOW! I am stronger now. I can do this. You are no good for me, except on an occasional out to dinner type of night for a treat, but no more. Don't come knocking on my door. I have made a deal with my oldest son and he is more important then you. Raymond has been motivating me for a few months now, keeping tabs on how many I drank. Now Owen and I have made a deal. No more soda for me and no more sucking thumb for him. Sounds fair. Both are just as addictive.
I vow to not be a hypocrite. I have told my children for so long now that they are not allowed soda because it is bad for them and kids don't need soda. Even when all my daycare kids and their school friends tell me they drink soda all the time, I am always disgusted that kids are drinking soda. I hate seeing a kid with a can of soda in their hand when we are out and about. I hate it so much for my kids, but haven't had the guts to quit it myself. Until now! I am empowered. Yesterday was day one of mine and Owen's agreement and I have succeeded. It started out as running out of soda in the house and I ran with it. Even when Tony brought home a 24 pack of his favorite soda yesterday I had no desire to drink it. I am totally motivated to succeed because I do not want to be a failure to my kids or myself!
So soda I say to you....good day!
I vow to not be a hypocrite. I have told my children for so long now that they are not allowed soda because it is bad for them and kids don't need soda. Even when all my daycare kids and their school friends tell me they drink soda all the time, I am always disgusted that kids are drinking soda. I hate seeing a kid with a can of soda in their hand when we are out and about. I hate it so much for my kids, but haven't had the guts to quit it myself. Until now! I am empowered. Yesterday was day one of mine and Owen's agreement and I have succeeded. It started out as running out of soda in the house and I ran with it. Even when Tony brought home a 24 pack of his favorite soda yesterday I had no desire to drink it. I am totally motivated to succeed because I do not want to be a failure to my kids or myself!
So soda I say to you....good day!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
A quickie.
I know I haven't been on here in awhile. Life has been crazier than usual. In my free time during the months of November and December I worked part-time at Toys R Us (late nights) in addition to my full-time daycare job and mother of 4 job. So I've either been working or sleeping. My house went to shambles and then we had the holidays. But hopefully I'll be back here next week to give you a much better post. Until then however I want to tell you what I did!!
The bad news first. Always start with the ripping of the band aid. I have had no self-control in the eating department and I have been so tired I have not been active at all outside of working. So with that combination I've gained about 5 pounds (not to mention all the holiday treats).But now the ointment to heal that horrible wound. With some of my Christmas money I have bought the Biggest Loser Cardio Blast video, Biggest Loser Bootcamp video and Jillian's 30 minute Fat Buster video. I am very excited to get those and start using them. Hopefully it will be the turn around I need. To date I now weigh as much as I did 9 months pregnant with Tess. That is a horrible statistic and I am determined to change it! Keep me in your thoughts.
Better post next time I promise!
The bad news first. Always start with the ripping of the band aid. I have had no self-control in the eating department and I have been so tired I have not been active at all outside of working. So with that combination I've gained about 5 pounds (not to mention all the holiday treats).But now the ointment to heal that horrible wound. With some of my Christmas money I have bought the Biggest Loser Cardio Blast video, Biggest Loser Bootcamp video and Jillian's 30 minute Fat Buster video. I am very excited to get those and start using them. Hopefully it will be the turn around I need. To date I now weigh as much as I did 9 months pregnant with Tess. That is a horrible statistic and I am determined to change it! Keep me in your thoughts.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder!!
Before I get to the subject at hand, I just wanted to say two things! First, Tony and I just had to take out a loan from his 401K this last week because we were so behind in bills. We still had a few bills from Sept. due plus all of Oct. and now Nov. Life has been VERY stressful to say the least. But even as I sit here at 12:40am writing on my blog instead of sleeping, I feel relieved. For the last two hours or more I balanced the checkbook and wrote out bills that paid off all of Sept. and Oct. bills and most of Nov. It is only the 7th of the month (I guess technically the 8th now), and I only have 4 or 5 bills left for the month! Yay, maybe we can actually get caught up and ahead of bills instead of sadly behind. So this my friends makes me feel VERY happy at this early morning hour.
Secondly, because of said financial trouble and now the news that two of my daycare kids are leaving on the 19th which leaves a vacancy in finances (!!!!), I went and got a part-time job at Toys R Us for the holiday season. It was supposed to give us EXTRA finances but instead it will supplement what I will be losing with those two daycare kids (unless I get new kids, but not getting any seekers at the moment). Today I finished my first night of training and actually am very excited for working out of the house and in a fun environment. PLUS, I get a 10% discount and can "shop" for gifts for my kids while I am working. There is potential to stay on part-time even after the Holiday season, so we will see how it goes. On a side note, I am also applying for a part time job at the church where I can work mostly from home as an Outreach Person. They got a grant to hire someone and I'd be working directly with the Pastor and the Church Secretary and that would be cool. Plus I have prayed very hard about it and feel that God is pulling me in that direction, so I am going to fill out an application and see what happens. That position wouldn't start until Jan. 1, but the idea of being involved in the Church at a deeper level, gets me very excited! So pray for me too.
Ok....on to the thoughts at hand. Since most of my readers are women I am guessing, you should know immediately what the title of this post should mean. If you don't then you have never watched the blessed movie 'Beaches' and therefore might not be a real woman after all. Shame on you. Again back to my financial troubles as of late...
About a month and a half ago I was minding my business when suddenly I felt this sharp poke under my armpit. I reached into my armpit to find that the underwire of my nursing bra (spit angrily at the thought of this type of bra because with four kids I have yet to find one that lasts or is comfortable) had poked through the top and was now stabbing me painfully in the armpit. The best I could do was slide it back into the hole because I didn't have money to buy a new bra. So since that time I have gotten in that habit of sliding the underwire back into the bra because for almost two months I have NOT had the money to buy myself a new bra. But I had had it with the poking and now it was worse cause the hole had stretched out and was harder to stay put. So I found a small safety pin to try and pin the hole closed (worked for about half a day). So now I have a holey, safety pinned bra.
Then on Friday I couldn't stand it anymore (if you haven't noticed I only have one nursing bra left - this is why it is so perturbing), and swore I was going to get a new one when Tony got paid on Friday. So I went about my business and went to dinner with a friend at Olive Garden. Nearing the end of dinner I reached down to get my cell phone to see if Tony had called and I felt this pinch under the OTHER side of my bra. This time I quickly learned that the underwire on the other side of the bra had snapped in half. That meant I absolutely with out a doubt had to buy a new bra the very next day. So now I had a holey, safety pinned and broken underwire bra. What a sad state of affairs! The things us women do to support our families. If I didn't have size 42 DD bra at the moment and wouldn't scare half of the world with my flapping boobs sticking to my stomach, then I would have said to heck with it and thrown it to the wind and let it all hang out. BUT I thought that'd be a bit too much for the world. :)
So I am happy to announce that on Saturday I finally bought myself two new nursing bras that are semi-comfortable, but I am comforted by the thought that Tess will be 10 months old this Friday and I never nurse my kids past 12 months, so hopefully these bras will last these last two months. Don't get me wrong, breastfeeding has been one of my favorite moments of parenthood with each of my children and I am pro-breastfeeding all the way. I would have NEVER done it any other way. But now that I am done with babies and Tess is so close to the end of this stage of her life, I am excited for our new adventures where I am not tied down to a nursing kiddo and I can actually leave all four of my kids somewhere for more than a few hours at a time.
But ladies, I lift my glass high to each of you brave women that put on a bra everyday just to be miserable and uncomfortable for the sake of humanity. You are truly brave women!
Secondly, because of said financial trouble and now the news that two of my daycare kids are leaving on the 19th which leaves a vacancy in finances (!!!!), I went and got a part-time job at Toys R Us for the holiday season. It was supposed to give us EXTRA finances but instead it will supplement what I will be losing with those two daycare kids (unless I get new kids, but not getting any seekers at the moment). Today I finished my first night of training and actually am very excited for working out of the house and in a fun environment. PLUS, I get a 10% discount and can "shop" for gifts for my kids while I am working. There is potential to stay on part-time even after the Holiday season, so we will see how it goes. On a side note, I am also applying for a part time job at the church where I can work mostly from home as an Outreach Person. They got a grant to hire someone and I'd be working directly with the Pastor and the Church Secretary and that would be cool. Plus I have prayed very hard about it and feel that God is pulling me in that direction, so I am going to fill out an application and see what happens. That position wouldn't start until Jan. 1, but the idea of being involved in the Church at a deeper level, gets me very excited! So pray for me too.
Ok....on to the thoughts at hand. Since most of my readers are women I am guessing, you should know immediately what the title of this post should mean. If you don't then you have never watched the blessed movie 'Beaches' and therefore might not be a real woman after all. Shame on you. Again back to my financial troubles as of late...
About a month and a half ago I was minding my business when suddenly I felt this sharp poke under my armpit. I reached into my armpit to find that the underwire of my nursing bra (spit angrily at the thought of this type of bra because with four kids I have yet to find one that lasts or is comfortable) had poked through the top and was now stabbing me painfully in the armpit. The best I could do was slide it back into the hole because I didn't have money to buy a new bra. So since that time I have gotten in that habit of sliding the underwire back into the bra because for almost two months I have NOT had the money to buy myself a new bra. But I had had it with the poking and now it was worse cause the hole had stretched out and was harder to stay put. So I found a small safety pin to try and pin the hole closed (worked for about half a day). So now I have a holey, safety pinned bra.
Then on Friday I couldn't stand it anymore (if you haven't noticed I only have one nursing bra left - this is why it is so perturbing), and swore I was going to get a new one when Tony got paid on Friday. So I went about my business and went to dinner with a friend at Olive Garden. Nearing the end of dinner I reached down to get my cell phone to see if Tony had called and I felt this pinch under the OTHER side of my bra. This time I quickly learned that the underwire on the other side of the bra had snapped in half. That meant I absolutely with out a doubt had to buy a new bra the very next day. So now I had a holey, safety pinned and broken underwire bra. What a sad state of affairs! The things us women do to support our families. If I didn't have size 42 DD bra at the moment and wouldn't scare half of the world with my flapping boobs sticking to my stomach, then I would have said to heck with it and thrown it to the wind and let it all hang out. BUT I thought that'd be a bit too much for the world. :)
So I am happy to announce that on Saturday I finally bought myself two new nursing bras that are semi-comfortable, but I am comforted by the thought that Tess will be 10 months old this Friday and I never nurse my kids past 12 months, so hopefully these bras will last these last two months. Don't get me wrong, breastfeeding has been one of my favorite moments of parenthood with each of my children and I am pro-breastfeeding all the way. I would have NEVER done it any other way. But now that I am done with babies and Tess is so close to the end of this stage of her life, I am excited for our new adventures where I am not tied down to a nursing kiddo and I can actually leave all four of my kids somewhere for more than a few hours at a time.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Oh Motivation...
As of lately since my back is feeling better and I have some Physical Therapy appointments lined up for my back and abdominal muscles, I am feeling more motivated to begin some sort of workout routine. I am hopelessly lost when it comes to the eating aspect of my life right now, because I am having some addiction to chocolate that I am not being able to kick. I have always been a choc-o-holic, but lately it's gotten to a scary point where I almost can't live with out it! I joke that I would bleed chocolate lately, but seriously folks, does that mean I am missing something physically from my body (hormones, chemically imbalanced, stress relief or simply addicted to the lovely taste of chocolate?)
I've decided to put some of the eating habits on the back burner for now, since I am failing in that respect to my weight loss and have decided to switch up what I had originally seen as a common sense way to start...that being to eat healthier first then build up to working out - I now think I will reverse that. I think now that if I start working out then I WILL eat healthier. So we'll see what happens.
When it comes to working out I need a goal though. You'd think just knowing I could be thinner and healthier and happier would be a goal, but I need an actual tangible goal in order to have a sort of deadline. My inspiration for this goal that I am about to tell you about comes from a number of people that I know that have recently been doing it. My sister-in-law, and MANY of my friends and my oldest sister has always done it - run a race!! I know you probably think I am crazy, and I am not talking like a 20 mile race or a sprint or anything of the sort, but a 5K. I'm only in the preliminary moments of this thought process so bear with me, but I don't know where to start! I am seeking help from my oldest sister and from a friend of mine that has been a runner her whole life and is in races all the time. I also found a website that is called from Couch to 5K, and it seems pretty reputable and has a workout program for the very beginner runner to be able to work up to running a 5K! It has really good articles on it too.
My second dilemma is finding time to work out, especially now that it's getting dark out earlier and entering into Winter (however the next few weeks into Nov. seem like a beautiful weather season to start a workout program). I cannot afford a gym membership and have no workout equipment at my home except a pair of dumbells and a exercise ball. Plus I don't know when, that's actually the biggest question! So any help any of you readers could spare, would be AWESOME. The final dilemma is finding a race. I want one soon enough that I have a sort of immediate goal, but also far enough away to train for it. I don't want to rush myself. Maybe early Spring??
I'm very excited about this decision and I really hope I can stick to it. But before I ACTUALLY start, I need to figure out the logistics of how and when to exercise. So help if you can and if not pray for my success and for my motivation to withstand!
Happy Halloween!
I've decided to put some of the eating habits on the back burner for now, since I am failing in that respect to my weight loss and have decided to switch up what I had originally seen as a common sense way to start...that being to eat healthier first then build up to working out - I now think I will reverse that. I think now that if I start working out then I WILL eat healthier. So we'll see what happens.
When it comes to working out I need a goal though. You'd think just knowing I could be thinner and healthier and happier would be a goal, but I need an actual tangible goal in order to have a sort of deadline. My inspiration for this goal that I am about to tell you about comes from a number of people that I know that have recently been doing it. My sister-in-law, and MANY of my friends and my oldest sister has always done it - run a race!! I know you probably think I am crazy, and I am not talking like a 20 mile race or a sprint or anything of the sort, but a 5K. I'm only in the preliminary moments of this thought process so bear with me, but I don't know where to start! I am seeking help from my oldest sister and from a friend of mine that has been a runner her whole life and is in races all the time. I also found a website that is called from Couch to 5K, and it seems pretty reputable and has a workout program for the very beginner runner to be able to work up to running a 5K! It has really good articles on it too.
My second dilemma is finding time to work out, especially now that it's getting dark out earlier and entering into Winter (however the next few weeks into Nov. seem like a beautiful weather season to start a workout program). I cannot afford a gym membership and have no workout equipment at my home except a pair of dumbells and a exercise ball. Plus I don't know when, that's actually the biggest question! So any help any of you readers could spare, would be AWESOME. The final dilemma is finding a race. I want one soon enough that I have a sort of immediate goal, but also far enough away to train for it. I don't want to rush myself. Maybe early Spring??
I'm very excited about this decision and I really hope I can stick to it. But before I ACTUALLY start, I need to figure out the logistics of how and when to exercise. So help if you can and if not pray for my success and for my motivation to withstand!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Family Pictures!
Tonight she posted my pictures on her Photographer Facebook page (Laura Knobbe Photography) and they turned out AWESOME! For her not technically being a professional photographer, she did a great job. The only downfall to the pictures are me. If I weren't in them they'd be even better and it PAINS me to feel that way. I know everyone does this, but when I look at the picture, instead of seeing all the smiles, I see my double chin, and my rolling gut. YUCK! I love two things about myself...my awesome red hair and my bright blue eyes. Everything else I can find to criticize. But besides that fact I am still like a kid on Christmas with my new pictures. I can't wait to pick up the cd from her tomorrow and start getting them printed out! Yay for new pictures. Now if I can only get my back fixed so I can do something about my double chin and rolling gut, this might just be the motivation I need....but I need to be able to walk first!!
But I must say that as overweight as I am and disappointed in myself for getting this way....I could never be upset about the 4 most wonderful things I created! Aren't my kids just gorgeous?!!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
what a pain in the back!
So my back went out about a year ago when I was pregnant with Tess, it was SOO painful and incapacitated me. Since then I will get an occasional twinge in my back in that same spot if I've overdone it a bit, but I can usually stretch those muscles, take some Tylenol and it will go away.
Not yesterday though. It had hurt in that spot all morning and felt on the verge of going out and I tried to stretch but it wasn't really helping. I loaded up the van and took kids to school and when I went to load up the 3 two year olds and Tess that I had with me at the preschool to head home my back popped in that spot and I about passed out it was so painful. It took all my energy to shuffle out of the van and shuffle to the drivers door already in tears. A couple of preschool parents asked me if I was ok, and I just said my back was out and I needed to call someone. I got my cell phone (very painfully) and called my mother in law first and asked her to meet me at my house to help me get kids out of the van, then I called Tony to ask him to take his lunch at preschool pick up time to pick up the preschoolers. I finally got myself in the van but drove only about 15 miles per hour slumped over in the drivers side and in tears the whole way home.
Once home it took me over 10 minutes to get out of the drivers side and work my way around the front of the van to open the doors where the kids were. I stood there trying to not move and breathing through my pain until Holly pulled up behind me. She got all the kids unloaded and I got inside where I made the mistake of trying to sit in my computer desk chair. I took a muscle relaxer and sat without moving for about an hour while Holly ran around and took care of the kids. I finally called all the parents to have them pick up their kids earlly and to tell them I had to close the daycare for Tuesday.
Finally Holly got me up to go to the bathroom and then I laid down on the heating pad flat on my bed which felt so much better than sitting up and I stayed there the rest of the night. So that was about 11am-7pm. Finally I got out of bed by myself to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and feed Tess and was back in bed with my 3rd dose of muscle realxer and Tylenol PM and fell asleep. I got up at 7:15 this morning and felt much better and have increasingly felt better all day little by little. Yesterday I literally couldn't physically get myself out of bed and today I could with ease (but slowly and still with the chance of it going back out). So tomorrow the daycare will be open, but am giving myself serious lifting limitations and lots of time to sit down. Please pray that my back heals completely and that I can get into the physical therapist soon to start once a month appts at least to prevent this from happening again. I can't work on my seperated abdominal muscle if I don't get my back fixed first cause right now I can't do situps or any such activity.
So say a prayer for me and remind yourself to be mindful of the way you lift things!!
Not yesterday though. It had hurt in that spot all morning and felt on the verge of going out and I tried to stretch but it wasn't really helping. I loaded up the van and took kids to school and when I went to load up the 3 two year olds and Tess that I had with me at the preschool to head home my back popped in that spot and I about passed out it was so painful. It took all my energy to shuffle out of the van and shuffle to the drivers door already in tears. A couple of preschool parents asked me if I was ok, and I just said my back was out and I needed to call someone. I got my cell phone (very painfully) and called my mother in law first and asked her to meet me at my house to help me get kids out of the van, then I called Tony to ask him to take his lunch at preschool pick up time to pick up the preschoolers. I finally got myself in the van but drove only about 15 miles per hour slumped over in the drivers side and in tears the whole way home.
Once home it took me over 10 minutes to get out of the drivers side and work my way around the front of the van to open the doors where the kids were. I stood there trying to not move and breathing through my pain until Holly pulled up behind me. She got all the kids unloaded and I got inside where I made the mistake of trying to sit in my computer desk chair. I took a muscle relaxer and sat without moving for about an hour while Holly ran around and took care of the kids. I finally called all the parents to have them pick up their kids earlly and to tell them I had to close the daycare for Tuesday.
Finally Holly got me up to go to the bathroom and then I laid down on the heating pad flat on my bed which felt so much better than sitting up and I stayed there the rest of the night. So that was about 11am-7pm. Finally I got out of bed by myself to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and feed Tess and was back in bed with my 3rd dose of muscle realxer and Tylenol PM and fell asleep. I got up at 7:15 this morning and felt much better and have increasingly felt better all day little by little. Yesterday I literally couldn't physically get myself out of bed and today I could with ease (but slowly and still with the chance of it going back out). So tomorrow the daycare will be open, but am giving myself serious lifting limitations and lots of time to sit down. Please pray that my back heals completely and that I can get into the physical therapist soon to start once a month appts at least to prevent this from happening again. I can't work on my seperated abdominal muscle if I don't get my back fixed first cause right now I can't do situps or any such activity.
So say a prayer for me and remind yourself to be mindful of the way you lift things!!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
It's Fall and life is good!
My favorite time of year is finally here. It's a time of year where fat or skinny, young or old, stressed or poor it doesn't matter! It's Fall. I love everything about this season, from the pumpkins, to the falling leaves to raking those falling leaves and the smells of the cold air and dead leaves and the wood burning stoves of the neighbors. MMMMM. Love those smells. I love apples and stews and the changing colors. If you can think of something about fall, I can promise you I love it! It makes me euphoric. It makes me feel like I am floating on a cloud of with not a care in the world. Seriously. As crazy as it sounds! For instance right now I am a failure at losing weight and just keep eating like I have a death wish and finding NO time to work out, and we are in an extremely bad financial way right now, but I don't feel stressed one bit about it. It's the season I tell ya, it calms me like nothing else can!
It's a good thing my 30th birthday also lands in the month of October (exactly two weeks away in fact) because the season is making me less stressed out about the fact that I am about to be 30!!!!! But let's move on from that fact. My 30th birthday is looking to be a fun party. My sisters and parents and best friend and her family are all coming into town to celebrate ME! (see it IS all about me!!) :) My birthday just so happens to land on a Saturday so I am making the whole crew follow me to Vala's Pumpkin Patch in the Omaha area (a HUGE and AWESOME pumpkin patch that you spend all day at and still don't get to do everything) for the day and then getting babysitters that night so the grown ups can go to a nice dinner and drinks to follow. I hope I have something cute to wear that won't show off my huge gut. :(
Despite my failed attempts a weight loss as of late, I am feeling a bit more motivated these days to accomplish things I hadn't made time for before. I am proud of myself of a couple of things too. First being that I used to be a night owl not by choice but because that's the only time I have to myself after the kiddos and hubby go to bed. BUT I have been so exhausted lately that I have decided that I need to make a bedtime for myself. So lately I have been making myself be in bed at 10pm, no matter what I need to get done. Just leave it for the next day. Let me tell you I have felt renewed all week because of extra sleep I have been getting. That is one thing that might help me lose weight because I think somewhere I read that people that get better sleep tend to lose more weight. So here's hoping!
The other thing I am proud of myself about (even though it technically hasn't happened yet) is that I told Raymond and Owen that once my 24 pack of Caffeine free diet coke ran out I wasn't going to buy anymore and I could only have soda when we go out to eat as a treat because I drink entirely too much soda. So they are going to help me moderate my soda intake. These two changes are significant in my life so I hope I can keep them up because that too will make me happy!
Anyways...these are just a couple of little things I had to say. I am so excited that it is October and that I can finally enjoy my favorite time of year! I will post some pictures soon, but tonight Tony took Owen to the semi-pro local football game and he took the camera with him that has any new pictures on it! So you'll just have to wait. Sorry.
I am off to fold more clothes and bask in my euphoric Fall.
P.S. I am the best bargain shopper in the world!!! (yes I am bragging) I find end of season stuff for Tess for less than $2.00 a piece at Old Navy and Target all the time. She is almost stocked up to 2T!! Tonight I found her 12 MORE things that were all under $5 to start with and they were marked 50% off of that at Old Navy! Sorry I had to brag a bit because it's like a high to find such bargains!
Happy Fall everyone. Go play in the leaves, go for an evening stroll with your honey, eat caramel apples and beef stew and carve a great pumpkin! I will chat with you soon and definitely will post 30th birthday pictures in a few weeks, but for now, go enjoy the FALL!
It's a good thing my 30th birthday also lands in the month of October (exactly two weeks away in fact) because the season is making me less stressed out about the fact that I am about to be 30!!!!! But let's move on from that fact. My 30th birthday is looking to be a fun party. My sisters and parents and best friend and her family are all coming into town to celebrate ME! (see it IS all about me!!) :) My birthday just so happens to land on a Saturday so I am making the whole crew follow me to Vala's Pumpkin Patch in the Omaha area (a HUGE and AWESOME pumpkin patch that you spend all day at and still don't get to do everything) for the day and then getting babysitters that night so the grown ups can go to a nice dinner and drinks to follow. I hope I have something cute to wear that won't show off my huge gut. :(
Despite my failed attempts a weight loss as of late, I am feeling a bit more motivated these days to accomplish things I hadn't made time for before. I am proud of myself of a couple of things too. First being that I used to be a night owl not by choice but because that's the only time I have to myself after the kiddos and hubby go to bed. BUT I have been so exhausted lately that I have decided that I need to make a bedtime for myself. So lately I have been making myself be in bed at 10pm, no matter what I need to get done. Just leave it for the next day. Let me tell you I have felt renewed all week because of extra sleep I have been getting. That is one thing that might help me lose weight because I think somewhere I read that people that get better sleep tend to lose more weight. So here's hoping!
The other thing I am proud of myself about (even though it technically hasn't happened yet) is that I told Raymond and Owen that once my 24 pack of Caffeine free diet coke ran out I wasn't going to buy anymore and I could only have soda when we go out to eat as a treat because I drink entirely too much soda. So they are going to help me moderate my soda intake. These two changes are significant in my life so I hope I can keep them up because that too will make me happy!
Anyways...these are just a couple of little things I had to say. I am so excited that it is October and that I can finally enjoy my favorite time of year! I will post some pictures soon, but tonight Tony took Owen to the semi-pro local football game and he took the camera with him that has any new pictures on it! So you'll just have to wait. Sorry.
I am off to fold more clothes and bask in my euphoric Fall.
P.S. I am the best bargain shopper in the world!!! (yes I am bragging) I find end of season stuff for Tess for less than $2.00 a piece at Old Navy and Target all the time. She is almost stocked up to 2T!! Tonight I found her 12 MORE things that were all under $5 to start with and they were marked 50% off of that at Old Navy! Sorry I had to brag a bit because it's like a high to find such bargains!
Happy Fall everyone. Go play in the leaves, go for an evening stroll with your honey, eat caramel apples and beef stew and carve a great pumpkin! I will chat with you soon and definitely will post 30th birthday pictures in a few weeks, but for now, go enjoy the FALL!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
It's all good
First I'd like to apologize for my meltdown, even though it was honest and how I feel quite frequently. Your responses were overwhelming and so nice to get such an outpour of support. It's hard to understand that people really are cheering you on in the cyber world and sometimes it feels pointless to continue the blog effort. But with your responses, I feel renewed to keep my thoughts floating around the blogging world, no matter how meaningless!
My efforts with weight loss have been on a stand still lately because I am having trouble adjusting to my new schedule and routine of running around like a crazy person taking 6 kids to 4 different schools and picking them up 3 times a day, potty training my 2 1/2 year old (with SUCCESS!!) and being a mom to 4 kids of varying ages. It's tiring, time consuming, but I LOVE my kids more than words can describe, so that should be description enough! ha ha.
I will be 30 in a month and that is very sad for me. I know that I'm not on my death bed....yet....but I have a very strong fear of death and to think that 40 is only 10 short years away and how fast the last 10 years went by, that scares me. But I am going to try and celebrate by inviting my family and a few friends to spend the day at the HUGE pumpkin patch in the area (because Fall is one of my favorite things in the world), then get cute and go out to dinner at this cool restaurant in town. It should be fun. I never do anything for my birthday so this will help me keep my mind off of it.
But the weight loss thing will have to start again. I have added walking at least every other day to the school down the end of my street and back again to pick up one of my daycare kids. So there is a start. And it feels good, and I speed walk to make my muscles work and get my heart rate up. Hopefully there will be results. I am going to aim to build on this walking and even do it in the Winter.
But to end this post I just want to share with you all how excited I am to be typing this post from my new laptop that my mother-in-law's husband built for me with my wireless internet!! Woo-hoo. Love it. I've NEVER had a laptop before and it's difficult to learn how to type. So happy Fall day, I hope you all are enjoying beautiful weather like me!! Cheers!
My efforts with weight loss have been on a stand still lately because I am having trouble adjusting to my new schedule and routine of running around like a crazy person taking 6 kids to 4 different schools and picking them up 3 times a day, potty training my 2 1/2 year old (with SUCCESS!!) and being a mom to 4 kids of varying ages. It's tiring, time consuming, but I LOVE my kids more than words can describe, so that should be description enough! ha ha.
I will be 30 in a month and that is very sad for me. I know that I'm not on my death bed....yet....but I have a very strong fear of death and to think that 40 is only 10 short years away and how fast the last 10 years went by, that scares me. But I am going to try and celebrate by inviting my family and a few friends to spend the day at the HUGE pumpkin patch in the area (because Fall is one of my favorite things in the world), then get cute and go out to dinner at this cool restaurant in town. It should be fun. I never do anything for my birthday so this will help me keep my mind off of it.
But the weight loss thing will have to start again. I have added walking at least every other day to the school down the end of my street and back again to pick up one of my daycare kids. So there is a start. And it feels good, and I speed walk to make my muscles work and get my heart rate up. Hopefully there will be results. I am going to aim to build on this walking and even do it in the Winter.
But to end this post I just want to share with you all how excited I am to be typing this post from my new laptop that my mother-in-law's husband built for me with my wireless internet!! Woo-hoo. Love it. I've NEVER had a laptop before and it's difficult to learn how to type. So happy Fall day, I hope you all are enjoying beautiful weather like me!! Cheers!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Table for uh...one please :(
My weight loss progress has been hindered by all the stress and busy stuff I've been doing. I have NO good excuse other than I am a failure. Every time I try something new to lose weight and get healthy, it is a flop. I thought for sure this would be a great way to have others keep me in line and help support me, but I don't think that there are any people out there reading this. I think I am once again writing to myself. What a very lonely thought. :(
Probably the only people who are reading this are my sisters and my mom and maybe my sister-in-law who was inspired by my blog at first, but has probably since given up on me as well. I think that lonely feeling that I get when I think about nobody caring enough to read my blog is the same lonely feeling I feel day in and day out with never getting to communicate with people and be a member of the social world because I am cooped up in my house with a group of kids all day. It is the same lonely feeling when I think of my one and only friend Sheila that moved to Illinois this May and now I feel like I am isolated even more. It's the same lonely feeling that I feel when I realize that I have no friends, not one! And it's this same lonely feeling that makes me eat and makes me feel bad about myself and makes me gain weight.
So there you have it. I'm a clown (Kelly you know what I mean) smiling on the outside, but sad on the inside. (I promise I'm NOT depressed and don't need an intervention, but when I think about my lack of friends and lack of life outside my house, it makes me sad). I just want friends. I think that if I had friends and a life outside my house I wouldn't weigh so much. Just a thought.
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| See how handsome my 6 year old big First grader is? |
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Shame, shame, shame...
I've not done nearly as well the last few days as I had intentions to do. However, my weight still went down a bit. I think it's been because I've been sick all week and being sick unmotivates me like it does everyone, so I care way less what I eat or how messy my house looks at the moment.
Keep thinking of me on m journey! I'll do better so you can all be proud and post thousands of comments!
Ta ta for now!
Keep thinking of me on m journey! I'll do better so you can all be proud and post thousands of comments!
Ta ta for now!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
To School or Not to School...How Crazy can I be??
My Crazy Life
a one scene play by Stacey....
Eyes wide, sweat pouring off my forehead, I look at the calendar and gasp for air...could it be? Could school really only be starting less than four weeks away?? I dash to the computer panicked by the mere thought of it. The school website confirms it!!! What am I to do? Loading and unloading and transporting all over again all those daycare kids and my own, my head spins. Then I sigh. I am ok with my craziness, but the only question that lingers is how will I get them there? By boat? No, I lent mine to Beyonce. By plane? No don't have that either, it's flying around the world right now. By Suburban? No, mine only seats 7 and I will have 10-11 kids. Aaaahhhhhhh! The panic sets in again as a wave of stress washes over me. (end scene).
This is my current state of mind. I know a bit dramatic but when you think of the predicament I am in, not so over the top. I truly am panicked by the fact that school starts exactly 4 weeks from this past Monday. I have 5 kids to take to and from school three times a day. I have seven spots in my Suburban, IF I strap Owen and Raymond together in the front seat illegally like last year. However, I will have 10-11 or 12 kids to load and unload everyday. I've been trying to find a 13-15 passenger van, but we can't get a loan because our credit is in the crapper from all the debt we racked up in college and just post college. We obviously don't have the cash to pay out of pocket, so I am literally between a rock and a hard place. (sidenote - Stacey's Daycare accepts all cash donations to: Help a poor Mom Out at Omaha, NE). Ahem, anyways. :)
When I started this blog it was to discuss my weight loss (or lack there of but hopefully the first one) AND my life in general that had to do with me. So this post just happens to primarily be about my constant state of mind as of late. I apologize if you were hoping to hear about the HORRIBLE Taco Johns taco I ate last night after we went swimming. :(
I will be on the run starting Aug. 16 when school starts, I have to take kids to school, pick up preschoolers, then pick up Elementary kids 5 days a week, I have a household to run, a daycare to run, 4 children of my own, a husband, two dogs, a rat, a yard that is desperate for some weeding and trimming attention, I volunteered to help teach preschool midweek at church on Wednesdays from time to time, and now I'm considering taking one online class at the community college here in town. Hello. My name is Crazy, with a capital C. The only reason that I am considering this is because I am too nervous to call the people that pay for my scholarship that just recently sent me a check for $150 in back pay (long story) and want me to resign my contract with them, I just deposited. I am afraid if I say I'm not taking a class, they will want me to pay it back. They might not, but that's just the type of person I am. A person that accepts free money and asks questions later - a.k.a. a poor person.
So call me crazy, call me whatever you want, but while you are making all these calls, can you please call the car loan people to give me a loan on a big van so I can at least relieve one major stress in my life??
-I sigh. I walk away from the computer and go to the kitchen cabinets to look at all the wonderful food and yummy snacks......that I can't eat. Oh bummer.
The End.
a one scene play by Stacey....
Eyes wide, sweat pouring off my forehead, I look at the calendar and gasp for air...could it be? Could school really only be starting less than four weeks away?? I dash to the computer panicked by the mere thought of it. The school website confirms it!!! What am I to do? Loading and unloading and transporting all over again all those daycare kids and my own, my head spins. Then I sigh. I am ok with my craziness, but the only question that lingers is how will I get them there? By boat? No, I lent mine to Beyonce. By plane? No don't have that either, it's flying around the world right now. By Suburban? No, mine only seats 7 and I will have 10-11 kids. Aaaahhhhhhh! The panic sets in again as a wave of stress washes over me. (end scene).
This is my current state of mind. I know a bit dramatic but when you think of the predicament I am in, not so over the top. I truly am panicked by the fact that school starts exactly 4 weeks from this past Monday. I have 5 kids to take to and from school three times a day. I have seven spots in my Suburban, IF I strap Owen and Raymond together in the front seat illegally like last year. However, I will have 10-11 or 12 kids to load and unload everyday. I've been trying to find a 13-15 passenger van, but we can't get a loan because our credit is in the crapper from all the debt we racked up in college and just post college. We obviously don't have the cash to pay out of pocket, so I am literally between a rock and a hard place. (sidenote - Stacey's Daycare accepts all cash donations to: Help a poor Mom Out at Omaha, NE). Ahem, anyways. :)
When I started this blog it was to discuss my weight loss (or lack there of but hopefully the first one) AND my life in general that had to do with me. So this post just happens to primarily be about my constant state of mind as of late. I apologize if you were hoping to hear about the HORRIBLE Taco Johns taco I ate last night after we went swimming. :(
I will be on the run starting Aug. 16 when school starts, I have to take kids to school, pick up preschoolers, then pick up Elementary kids 5 days a week, I have a household to run, a daycare to run, 4 children of my own, a husband, two dogs, a rat, a yard that is desperate for some weeding and trimming attention, I volunteered to help teach preschool midweek at church on Wednesdays from time to time, and now I'm considering taking one online class at the community college here in town. Hello. My name is Crazy, with a capital C. The only reason that I am considering this is because I am too nervous to call the people that pay for my scholarship that just recently sent me a check for $150 in back pay (long story) and want me to resign my contract with them, I just deposited. I am afraid if I say I'm not taking a class, they will want me to pay it back. They might not, but that's just the type of person I am. A person that accepts free money and asks questions later - a.k.a. a poor person.
So call me crazy, call me whatever you want, but while you are making all these calls, can you please call the car loan people to give me a loan on a big van so I can at least relieve one major stress in my life??
-I sigh. I walk away from the computer and go to the kitchen cabinets to look at all the wonderful food and yummy snacks......that I can't eat. Oh bummer.
The End.
Monday, July 12, 2010
2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back...
Well if you read the title you probably guessed that I had a few slip ups this last weekend, but as long as I'm still two forward and only one back then I am doing better than not!
I did really well all through Friday until dinner. Tony's brother and wife and son came to town so we ordered pizza. I ate less than I normally would (old me = 4-5 pieces, new me = 2 1/2 pieces). It was veggies and hamburger on it I think. But I can justify it because Saturday we spent the day walking the Zoo, so I pretty much walked a good portion of that off. Then I was good Sat. and Sun. until Sun. night when I didn't feel good and neither did Tony, so we got Chinese take out. I can honestly but grudingly admit that I ate my whole meal and then some, but my proud point with the whole Chinese thing is that today I would normally have eaten all of the leftovers myself - BUT I used it for daycare and they had a Chinese buffet of sorts. So there! :)
I'm not being too hard on myself for a few reasons. First being that I lost a total of 5 pounds already from Tuesday until Sunday. So that's awesome for me!! Just 70 more to go!! But for number two, I keep telling myself not to get depressed about a slip up here and there because I am new to this whole eating less than I normally do thing. It really does take training! You wouldn't believe how exhausting it can be sometimes when I think I need a snack (when I don't) and to keep walking into the kitchen and rummaging through the cabinets and fridge, just to tell myself that I don't need anything and walk out. That alone should earn me a few walking exercise points right??
Which brings me to my next topic. Exercise. I wish I could be a fly on someones wall to see when and how they exercise on a daily basis. I don't get it. I don't understand how ANYONE, especially with kids, can find the time in their day to work out. It stresses me out actually that I still cannot find a time slot in my day to work out. You might ask why not work out instead of blog. Well the simple answer to that is because it's easier to get on the computer during nap time than it is to do a workout video when 4-6 kids are quietly watching a movie during nap time. I am still working on this part, but for now trying to keep tackling the eating 1/2 my portion size is enough to worry about. I have to master that part first.
So please keep cheering me on. I need some support! I need people to tell me NOT to eat snacks and NOT to give in to yummy temptations!
Right now I am feeling the urge to eat too because I am a bored eater and a stress eater and my constant stress right now is trying to figure out how I am going to get all the kids to and from school this next year. I have too many kids to fit in my Suburban and I need a solution before Aug. 16.
Alright I better go throw together a small meatloaf for dinner tonight. I have to take Owen and Raymond to their first swimming lessons at 6:20! I'm very excited for them.
I did really well all through Friday until dinner. Tony's brother and wife and son came to town so we ordered pizza. I ate less than I normally would (old me = 4-5 pieces, new me = 2 1/2 pieces). It was veggies and hamburger on it I think. But I can justify it because Saturday we spent the day walking the Zoo, so I pretty much walked a good portion of that off. Then I was good Sat. and Sun. until Sun. night when I didn't feel good and neither did Tony, so we got Chinese take out. I can honestly but grudingly admit that I ate my whole meal and then some, but my proud point with the whole Chinese thing is that today I would normally have eaten all of the leftovers myself - BUT I used it for daycare and they had a Chinese buffet of sorts. So there! :)
I'm not being too hard on myself for a few reasons. First being that I lost a total of 5 pounds already from Tuesday until Sunday. So that's awesome for me!! Just 70 more to go!! But for number two, I keep telling myself not to get depressed about a slip up here and there because I am new to this whole eating less than I normally do thing. It really does take training! You wouldn't believe how exhausting it can be sometimes when I think I need a snack (when I don't) and to keep walking into the kitchen and rummaging through the cabinets and fridge, just to tell myself that I don't need anything and walk out. That alone should earn me a few walking exercise points right??
Which brings me to my next topic. Exercise. I wish I could be a fly on someones wall to see when and how they exercise on a daily basis. I don't get it. I don't understand how ANYONE, especially with kids, can find the time in their day to work out. It stresses me out actually that I still cannot find a time slot in my day to work out. You might ask why not work out instead of blog. Well the simple answer to that is because it's easier to get on the computer during nap time than it is to do a workout video when 4-6 kids are quietly watching a movie during nap time. I am still working on this part, but for now trying to keep tackling the eating 1/2 my portion size is enough to worry about. I have to master that part first.
So please keep cheering me on. I need some support! I need people to tell me NOT to eat snacks and NOT to give in to yummy temptations!
Right now I am feeling the urge to eat too because I am a bored eater and a stress eater and my constant stress right now is trying to figure out how I am going to get all the kids to and from school this next year. I have too many kids to fit in my Suburban and I need a solution before Aug. 16.
Alright I better go throw together a small meatloaf for dinner tonight. I have to take Owen and Raymond to their first swimming lessons at 6:20! I'm very excited for them.
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