"Yet another said, 'I will follow You, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home" Luke 9:61
Have you ever said that word "but"? It means you are unsure, self conscious, not confident, and uncommitted. You might want to do something...but...something gets in the way. You might want to be a certain way...but...you are too scared to change your habits or try something new. I think for many of us that word rears its ugly head quite often. Why is it so hard to get around that word? Why can't we just say, I want to go for a bike ride. Period. And then do it? Because we have that little foe of ours called the Devil that whispers in our ear. He causes doubt in us, He creates a fear in us that doesn't allow us to overcome. Sometimes I even feel that way in following the Lord.
I am very involved in my church I would say. I help plan events, I am at every worship service, I teach church classes, I cook meals, etc. I want to commit to everything but then I realize, where does that leave my husband and kids? Left to fend for themselves, unattached to me. That's not what I want either. I feel torn, just like the disciples did when they followed Jesus. They knew the risks. They knew that it would endanger their lives and it would be a hard road to follow...but...they also knew they had a family to take care of and other things to tend to. So eventually, many disciples would end up back at home. I understand that. I want to follow Jesus. I want to feel compelled to say yes to every thing at church and to do everything I can to spread his word - but I also realize that God blessed me with the 4 most beautiful children I could imagine, inside and out, and the most amazing husband. He gave me these people to grow, and fill with his Word, and to teach them about Jesus, so that one day they might be great witnesses to others. Maybe they will grow up and help the sick, feed the hungry, love others the way God wants us too. That is if I do my job right.
So yes, I still have a habit of over booking myself at church things, but that is my "free time" and I know I am needed there - BUT - I have also come to understand my other purpose that the Lord has given me and I am embracing that. I am a teacher at home too, and it is probably my most important role. So the word but is not interfering with my life right now. I have prayed to overcome this burdening word and now say yes to some things and no to others without finding that pesky word thrown in. I can do both. I just have to work hard at helping wherever God wants me to help. So I will follow you Jesus, wherever you take me. Without fear, without reservation, because I know you will always be there for me. Trust in the Lord!
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please help me in organizing my life so that I may help where I am needed at church and teach my young children to follow you. Guide me daily to make the right choices that will benefit the church and my family and help me to continue to overcome the fear and doubt that the word 'but' can instill in people. By doing this, please help me to tune out the doubting words of the Devil whispering in my ears and help me to hear the trumpets of Heaven and the words from the Bible to keep me on the right path. Fill me with courage that I may follow wherever you lead me.
Amen
