So I have been awfully busy lately so that is why I have not posted any new updates. I've been exhausted and mentally drained from all that I have been doing to get kids ready for school and the sheer stress of all that scheduling. In fact I have had the HARDEST time getting up in the mornings and have no energy all day.
My weight loss progress has been hindered by all the stress and busy stuff I've been doing. I have NO good excuse other than I am a failure. Every time I try something new to lose weight and get healthy, it is a flop. I thought for sure this would be a great way to have others keep me in line and help support me, but I don't think that there are any people out there reading this. I think I am once again writing to myself. What a very lonely thought. :(
Probably the only people who are reading this are my sisters and my mom and maybe my sister-in-law who was inspired by my blog at first, but has probably since given up on me as well. I think that lonely feeling that I get when I think about nobody caring enough to read my blog is the same lonely feeling I feel day in and day out with never getting to communicate with people and be a member of the social world because I am cooped up in my house with a group of kids all day. It is the same lonely feeling when I think of my one and only friend Sheila that moved to Illinois this May and now I feel like I am isolated even more. It's the same lonely feeling that I feel when I realize that I have no friends, not one! And it's this same lonely feeling that makes me eat and makes me feel bad about myself and makes me gain weight.
I told you from the beginning this blog was going to be honest - so there you have it. I am a miserable lonely person that fears I will die and have no one besides a few family members to miss me. I have acquaintances but when it comes down to inviting people to do things I am NEVER on the invite list...never have been. I don't know what it is about me that people like and can be my friend when we have to be together for school or something, but not enough to ever include me in anything. It makes me sad. I feel the same way now as I did in High school when My Best Friends' Wedding came to the theaters. I wanted to see it so badly because Julia Roberts is one of my favorite actresses and I called everyone I knew to see if I could find a friend to join me and no one said yes. I felt so bad after that that I cried for awhile until my mom grabbed her purse and dropped what she was doing to go see a movie with her sad and lonely daughter. What a nice mom. I think this will happen again soon. A decade or so later, I want to see yet another Julia Roberts movie, Eat, Pray, Love, and I am saddened by the thought that once again I have no one to see it with, only this time my mom lives 6 1/2 hours away and can't really come with me, though I know she would if she could.
So there you have it. I'm a clown (Kelly you know what I mean) smiling on the outside, but sad on the inside. (I promise I'm NOT depressed and don't need an intervention, but when I think about my lack of friends and lack of life outside my house, it makes me sad). I just want friends. I think that if I had friends and a life outside my house I wouldn't weigh so much. Just a thought.
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| See how handsome my 6 year old big First grader is? |
So sorry for such a depressing post! Man, what a mood killer! You probably all weigh as much as me now after reading my post cause I drove you to your own depressions causing you to eat in pity for me!! :) So there is yet another root to my eating problems. Any suggestions for trimming this weed?
Hey, I just ate a BK double stacker sandwich + onion rings and dr. pepper!! I feel like an obese walrus...not just any ol walrus, but an OBESE walrus!!
ReplyDeleteI got hired at two places in one week and blew both opportunities (just like every other past opportunity I've had.) I'm beating myself up over it! My fretting over this makes me lose my appetite, so maybe I'll lose a few. Of course when I do eat, it's BK or a bag of Twizzlers.
I have not a one friend, and haven't had any friends since probably 7th grade. At least you have acquaintances - I don't even have that. But, I've pretty much accepted this, and prefer not to do anything with anyone. Having friends would stress me out - constantly worrying about people calling to see if I want to get together to do something. No, thank you! I like my freedom.
I'm 31 and have what basically amounts to a 2 year job history, because of years of anxiety that has made me practically agoraphobic. Probably ADD too, because I swear two minutes feels like two hours to me. I have no sense of long-term committment, because I lose interest in things so fast. I feel like I'll never have a life of my own, never live where I want to live..
You at least have your own life and are living like a 29-year old, and Kimberly's living like a 33-year old. I'm the most pathetic member of this family, so don't try to steal my title, MISS THANG! :)
Too bad I don't drink, because I'd be swimming in a vat of beer and tears about now.
I think the only cure to our troubles is to move back to Wyoming.
Now go watch Zoolander or Tommy Boy.
Stacey, yes I would come with you. For one thing, you have not had time to get out and meet many other people. I know, though, that you have met some very nice people at church. What about your daycare mother friends? Hasn't someone asked you to maybe go with her once in a while somewhere? You definitely need time for yourself and someone else, just to get away from the hectic daycare. Remember when I told you girls the story of me standing in line at the grocery and holding a 5 lb. bag of sugar or flour that I started rocking automatically while I was waiting? Hahaha. That sounds so silly when I tell it, but I was so used to having one or all of you girls with me, and I was at the store alone, and STILL was feeling like I was rocking one of you:) You have been organizing, cooking, transporting, refereeing (sp?), bookkeeping, juggling for so long, that eventually you get on overload, and need some time for yourself. I used to read articles about mothers or women who would lock themselves in the bathroom and take long bubble baths. How in the heck do you do that, unless your hubby or a friend gives you that free time. You do have to remember that you are worth taking care of, though, and don't ever feel that you are not worthy of that. I didn't have any friends either for a long time, and then I got brave enough to become treasurer of the Welcome Wagon in Plainfield, and from there, I just kept trying other things. Your Dad encouraged me to do that. Boy, he didn't know what was going to follow:) Love....MOM
ReplyDeleteTell Owen he is sooooo handsome. I like his hair like that, and definitely love his eyes and smile and tender heart. Kelly, you were so funny at the end of your response:) You need friends, too, and some things to do. I think one or two good friends are good, even though I don't want to be doing something all the time either. Dad and I are friends:) Kelly, I thought you said last night we would regret moving to Wyoming:) I do wish we were all closer sometimes, though. We could give each other physical help and moral support! Love you all.
ReplyDeleteStacey! You need to not be so hard on yourself!!!! I am still reading...FYI...you haven't lost me yet! I think you are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself to lose weight. I know that you want to lose weight, and it's better for your health..blah blah blah. But don't stress yourself out over it. So you have a piece of chocolate cake or a couple of pieces of pizza. Who cares!!!!!??? I don't, and I know that others aren't worried either. You need to make time for yourself. Tell Tony to watch the kids for 30 minutes...put on your MP3 player, and go outside for a walk. That's all you need. Do it every day, and you will feel better. Join a mom's club, where you can take your kids with you and play. Or have Tony watch the kids for an hour, go to Starbucks, and have a coffee. And who says you can't go to the movie alone? I will go with you the next time I'm in town. We will have date night, and everyone else can watch the boys! You are a good person....just don't put so much pressure on yourself! I know how you feel.....up until recently, I felt the same way..sad and lonely. And I don't have friends either, outside of work. But,it's okay. At the end of the day, you need to spend time working on yourself. You deserve at least 30 minutes a day to be with yourself...take a bath..read...go for a walk...whatever you feel like doing! You know that you can call me ANYTIME day or night...I'll will be more than happy to talk to you, okay?-----------------Amanda
ReplyDeleteI wish I could go back to high school and go to that movie with you - it's a funny show! I would miss you if you die. You comment on every blog post I write and I look forward to seeing what you'll have to say about my life - I think about you when I'm writing my posts! It's too bad I'm too far away to do things with you - although I'm not sure I would go to eat, pray, love yet because I really want to read the book before I see the movie and I haven't gotten to that yet!
ReplyDeleteJust keep with it. You're a great person and lots of fun, so I have no doubt people will love you once you get some time to spend outside the house. I like Amanda's suggestions about just leaving the house for a walk for 30 minutes - that would be time well spent. It's a good way to decompress at the end of a long day.
Even if I don't comment (which I'm trying to be better about) know that I'm always reading and pulling for you!
You have friends from way back, Stacey....just need time to regroup with them. You ARE a great person with lots of energy (until the last year for energy at least:)and are very creative. I think all of you girls are creative and are great. You are also MY friends:) Keep trying to think of things outside the box. Dani, that's a good idea, too, to start walks...30 minutes can do wonders when it's cool out. Kelly, seeing a funny, silly movie would help, too. I don't even like sad movies anymore. And by the way, Kelly, you are not a pathetic member of this family. You have tons to contribute! Amanda, good ideas from you, too:) I think being a good mother and putting so much energy into home, hubby, and children after a while makes you realize you need to put some energy into yourself, also, and pick up some of the interests you want to pursue. After a while you can get taken advantage of if you don't find something outside the house, or at least something at home that gives you free time. You'll be a more interesting person to your family, too! Love you! I read you girls' blogs all the time, too, and don't always respond. I try to most of the time, though.
ReplyDeleteStacy...I read you blog. Please don't stop writing. I think we have many things in common to chat about. I will facebook you a message. I think you are amazing and you have your hands full so don't be so hard on yourself.
ReplyDeleteTara
Hey, I just came to this blog through your comment on Kim's blog. I hope that it's not totally inappropriate for me to comment.
ReplyDeleteBut I feel like I need to comment because I got really choked up while I was reading your post. I totally relate to it and I think that it was a very brave and honest piece of writing.
I understand from the post that your issues with friendships go back before motherhood, but being a mom exasperates the issue. I don't know if you're a stay-at-home mom or not, but I am. It is completely isolating. I moved to Philadelphia, hours away from my friends two years ago. I made two sorta-friends through my daughter's school. Both of them moved at the end of the school year. It's tough to be friends with other parents... and it tough to meet people in general when you're running around, keeping track of your kids and every sentence you utter is interrupted 15 times by someone who needs to desperately tell you something right at that second.
I also had gained a lot of weight, felt depressed and had NO energy. It was BAD. I had my thyroid checked and ended up having a really significant problem. In pregnancy, it's really common for your thyroid to become unhealthy because it's a hormone and your body is doing some crazy hormone sorts of things. Even if you've been tested and had your levels be normal... that's not always the only thing that matters. Not that you have this problem... but maybe look into it. Here's a great site that I like:
http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/
Just so you know, there are people who are reading this and I am one of them! Feel better.