It's Fall and life is good!

My favorite time of year is finally here. It's a time of year where fat or skinny, young or old, stressed or poor it doesn't matter! It's Fall. I love everything about this season, from the pumpkins, to the falling leaves to raking those falling leaves and the smells of the cold air and dead leaves and the wood burning stoves of the neighbors. MMMMM. Love those smells. I love apples and stews and the changing colors. If you can think of something about fall, I can promise you I love it! It makes me euphoric. It makes me feel like I am floating on a cloud of with not a care in the world. Seriously. As crazy as it sounds! For instance right now I am a failure at losing weight and just keep eating like I have a death wish and finding NO time to work out, and we are in an extremely bad financial way right now, but I don't feel stressed one bit about it. It's the season I tell ya, it calms me like nothing else can!

It's a good thing my 30th birthday also lands in the month of October (exactly two weeks away in fact) because the season is making me less stressed out about the fact that I am about to be 30!!!!! But let's move on from that fact. My 30th birthday is looking to be a fun party. My sisters and parents and best friend and her family are all coming into town to celebrate ME! (see it IS all about me!!) :) My birthday just so happens to land on a Saturday so I am making the whole crew follow me to Vala's Pumpkin Patch in the Omaha area (a HUGE and AWESOME pumpkin patch that you spend all day at and still don't get to do everything) for the day and then getting babysitters that night so the grown ups can go to a nice dinner and drinks to follow. I hope I have something cute to wear that won't show off my huge gut. :(

Despite my failed attempts a weight loss as of late, I am feeling a bit more motivated these days to accomplish things I hadn't made time for before. I am proud of myself of a couple of things too. First being that I used to be a night owl not by choice but because that's the only time I have to myself after the kiddos and hubby go to bed. BUT  I have been so exhausted lately that I have decided that I need to make a bedtime for myself. So lately I have been making myself be in bed at 10pm, no matter what I need to get done. Just leave it for the next day. Let me tell you I have felt renewed all week because of extra sleep I have been getting. That is one thing that might help me lose weight because I think somewhere I read that people that get better sleep tend to lose more weight. So here's hoping!

The other thing I am proud of myself about (even though it technically hasn't happened yet) is that I told Raymond and Owen that once my 24 pack of Caffeine free diet coke ran out I wasn't going to buy anymore and I could only have soda when we go out to eat as a treat because I drink entirely too much soda. So they are going to help me moderate my soda intake. These two changes are significant in my life so I hope I can keep them up because that too will make me happy!

Anyways...these are just a couple of little things I had to say. I am so excited that it is October and that I can finally enjoy my favorite time of year! I will post some pictures soon, but tonight Tony took Owen to the semi-pro local football game and he took the camera with him that has any new pictures on it! So you'll just have to wait. Sorry.

I am off to fold more clothes and bask in my euphoric Fall.

P.S. I am the best bargain shopper in the world!!! (yes I am bragging) I find end of season stuff for Tess for less than $2.00 a piece at Old Navy and Target all the time. She is almost stocked up to 2T!! Tonight I found her 12 MORE things that were all under $5 to start with and they were marked 50% off of that at Old Navy! Sorry I had to brag a bit because it's like a high to find such bargains!

Happy Fall everyone. Go play in the leaves, go for an evening stroll with your honey, eat caramel apples and beef stew and carve a great pumpkin! I will chat with you soon and definitely will post 30th birthday pictures in a few weeks, but for now, go enjoy the FALL!

It's all good

First I'd like to apologize for my meltdown, even though it was honest and how I feel quite frequently. Your responses were overwhelming and so nice to get such an outpour of support. It's hard to understand that people really are cheering you on in the cyber world and sometimes it feels pointless to continue the blog effort. But with your responses, I feel renewed to keep my thoughts floating around the blogging world, no matter how meaningless!

My efforts with weight loss have been on a stand still lately because I am having trouble adjusting to my new schedule and routine of running around like a crazy person taking 6 kids to 4 different schools and picking them up 3 times a day, potty training my 2 1/2 year old (with SUCCESS!!) and being a mom to 4 kids of varying ages. It's tiring, time consuming, but I LOVE my kids more than words can describe, so that should be description enough! ha ha.

I will be 30 in a month and that is very sad for me. I know that I'm not on my death bed....yet....but I have a very strong fear of death and to think that 40 is only 10 short years away and how fast the last 10 years went by, that scares me. But I am going to try and celebrate by inviting my family and a few friends to spend the day at the HUGE pumpkin patch in the area (because Fall is one of my favorite things in the world), then get cute and go out to dinner at this cool restaurant in town. It should be fun. I never do anything for my birthday so this will help me keep my mind off of it.

But the weight loss thing will have to start again. I have added walking at least every other day to the school down the end of my street and back again to pick up one of my daycare kids. So there is a start. And it feels good, and I speed walk to make my muscles work and get my heart rate up. Hopefully there will be results. I am going to aim to build on this walking and even do it in the Winter.

But to end this post I just want to share with you all how excited I am to be typing this post from my new laptop that my mother-in-law's husband built for me with my wireless internet!! Woo-hoo. Love it. I've NEVER had a laptop before and it's difficult to learn how to type. So happy Fall day, I hope you all are enjoying beautiful weather like me!! Cheers!

Table for uh...one please :(

So I have been awfully busy lately so that is why I have not posted any new updates. I've been exhausted and mentally drained from all that I have been doing to get kids ready for school and the sheer stress of all that scheduling. In fact I have had the HARDEST time getting up in the mornings and have no energy all day.

My weight loss progress has been hindered by all the stress and busy stuff I've been doing. I have NO good excuse other than I am a failure. Every time I try something new to lose weight and get healthy, it is a flop. I thought for sure this would be a great way to have others keep me in line and help support me, but I don't think that there are any people out there reading this. I think I am once again writing to myself. What a very lonely thought. :(

Probably the only people who are reading this are my sisters and my mom and maybe my sister-in-law who was inspired by my blog at first, but has probably since given up on me as well. I think that lonely feeling that I get when I think about nobody caring enough to read my blog is the same lonely feeling I feel day in and day out with never getting to communicate with people and be a member of the social world because I am cooped up in my house with a group of kids all day. It is the same lonely feeling when I think of my one and only friend Sheila that moved to Illinois this May and now I feel like I am isolated even more. It's the same lonely feeling that I feel when I realize that I have no friends, not one! And it's this same lonely feeling that makes me eat and makes me feel bad about myself and makes me gain weight.

I told you from the beginning this blog was going to be honest - so there you have it. I am a miserable lonely person that fears I will die and have no one besides a few family members to miss me. I have acquaintances but when it comes down to inviting people to do things I am NEVER on the invite list...never have been. I don't know what it is about me that people like and can be my friend when we have to be together for school or something, but not enough to ever include me in anything. It makes me sad. I feel the same way now as I did in High school when My Best Friends' Wedding came to the theaters. I wanted to see it so badly because Julia Roberts is one of my favorite actresses and I called everyone I knew to see if I could find a friend to join me and no one said yes. I felt so bad after that that I cried for awhile until my mom grabbed her purse and dropped what she was doing to go see a movie with her sad and lonely daughter. What a nice mom. I think this will happen again soon. A decade or so later, I want to see yet another Julia Roberts movie, Eat, Pray, Love, and I am saddened by the thought that once again I have no one to see it with, only this time my mom lives 6 1/2 hours away and can't really come with me, though I know she would if she could.

So there you have it. I'm a clown (Kelly you know what I mean) smiling on the outside, but sad on the inside. (I promise I'm NOT depressed and don't need an intervention, but when I think about my lack of friends and lack of life outside my house, it makes me sad). I just want friends. I think that if I had friends and a life outside my house I wouldn't weigh so much. Just a thought.

See how handsome my 6 year old big First grader is?

So sorry for such a depressing post! Man, what a mood killer! You probably all weigh as much as me now after reading my post cause I drove you to your own depressions causing you to eat in pity for me!! :) So there is yet another root to my eating problems. Any suggestions for trimming this weed?

Shame, shame, shame...

I've not done nearly as well the last few days as I had intentions to do. However, my weight still went down a bit. I think it's been because I've been sick all week and being sick unmotivates me like it does everyone, so I care way less what I eat or how messy my house looks at the moment.

Keep thinking of me on m journey! I'll do better so you can all be proud and post thousands of comments!

Ta ta for now!

To School or Not to School...How Crazy can I be??

My Crazy Life
a one scene play by Stacey....


Eyes wide, sweat pouring off my forehead, I look at the calendar and gasp for air...could it be? Could school really only be starting less than four weeks away?? I dash to the computer panicked by the mere thought of it. The school website confirms it!!! What am I to do? Loading and unloading and transporting all over again all those daycare kids and my own, my head spins. Then I sigh. I am ok with my craziness, but the only question that lingers is how will I get them there? By boat? No, I lent mine to Beyonce. By plane? No don't have that either, it's flying around the world right now. By Suburban? No, mine only seats 7 and I will have 10-11 kids. Aaaahhhhhhh! The panic sets in again as a wave of stress washes over me. (end scene).

This is my current state of mind. I know a bit dramatic but when you think of the predicament I am in, not so over the top. I truly am panicked by the fact that school starts exactly 4 weeks from this past Monday. I have 5 kids to take to and from school three times a day. I have seven spots in my Suburban, IF I strap Owen and Raymond together in the front seat illegally like last year. However, I will have 10-11 or 12 kids to load and unload everyday. I've been trying to find a 13-15 passenger van, but we can't get a loan because our credit is in the crapper from all the debt we racked up in college and just post college. We obviously don't have the cash to pay out of pocket, so I am literally between a rock and a hard place. (sidenote - Stacey's Daycare accepts all cash donations to: Help a poor Mom Out at Omaha, NE). Ahem, anyways. :)

When I started this blog it was to discuss my weight loss (or lack there of but hopefully the first one) AND my life in general that had to do with me. So this post just happens to primarily be about my constant state of mind as of late. I apologize if you were hoping to hear about the HORRIBLE Taco Johns taco I ate last night after we went swimming. :(

I will be on the run starting Aug. 16 when school starts, I have to take kids to school, pick up preschoolers, then pick up Elementary kids 5 days a week, I have a household to run, a daycare to run, 4 children of my own, a husband, two dogs, a rat, a yard that is desperate for some weeding and trimming attention, I volunteered to help teach preschool midweek at church on Wednesdays from time to time, and now I'm considering taking one online class at the community college here in town. Hello. My name is Crazy, with a capital C. The only reason that I am considering this is because I am too nervous to call the people that pay for my scholarship that just recently sent me a check for $150 in back pay (long story) and want me to resign my contract with them, I just deposited. I am afraid if I say I'm not taking a class, they will want me to pay it back. They might not, but that's just the type of person I am. A person that accepts free money and asks questions later - a.k.a. a poor person.

So call me crazy, call me whatever you want, but while you are making all these calls, can you please call the car loan people to give me a loan on a big van so I can at least relieve one major stress in my life??

-I sigh. I walk away from the computer and go to the kitchen cabinets to look at all the wonderful food and yummy snacks......that I can't eat. Oh bummer.

The End.

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back...

Well if you read the title you probably guessed that I had a few slip ups this last weekend, but as long as I'm still two forward and only one back then I am doing better than not!

I did really well all through Friday until dinner. Tony's brother and wife and son came to town so we ordered pizza. I ate less than I normally would (old me = 4-5 pieces, new me = 2 1/2 pieces). It was veggies and hamburger on it I think. But I can justify it because Saturday we spent the day walking the Zoo, so I pretty much walked a good portion of that off. Then I was good Sat. and Sun. until Sun. night when I didn't feel good and neither did Tony, so we got Chinese take out. I can honestly but grudingly admit that I ate my whole meal and then some, but my proud point with the whole Chinese thing is that today I would normally have eaten all of the leftovers myself - BUT I used it for daycare and they had a Chinese buffet of sorts. So there! :)

I'm not being too hard on myself for a few reasons. First being that I lost a total of 5 pounds already from Tuesday until Sunday. So that's awesome for me!! Just 70 more to go!! But for number two, I keep telling myself not to get depressed about a slip up here and there because I am new to this whole eating less than I normally do thing. It really does take training! You wouldn't believe how exhausting it can be sometimes when I think I need a snack (when I don't) and to keep walking into the kitchen and rummaging through the cabinets and fridge, just to tell myself that I don't need anything and walk out. That alone should earn me a few walking exercise points right??

Which brings me to my next topic. Exercise. I wish I could be a fly on someones wall to see when and how they exercise on a daily basis. I don't get it. I don't understand how ANYONE, especially with kids, can find the time in their day to work out. It stresses me out actually that I still cannot find a time slot in my day to work out. You might ask why not work out instead of blog. Well the simple answer to that is because it's easier to get on the computer during nap time than it is to do a workout video when 4-6 kids are quietly watching a movie during nap time. I am still working on this part, but for now trying to keep tackling the eating 1/2 my portion size is enough to worry about. I have to master that part first.

So please keep cheering me on. I need some support! I need people to tell me NOT to eat snacks and NOT to give in to yummy temptations!

Right now I am feeling the urge to eat too because I am a bored eater and a stress eater and my constant stress right now is trying to figure out how I am going to get all the kids to and from school this next year. I have too many kids to fit in my Suburban and I need a solution before Aug. 16. 

Alright I better go throw together a small meatloaf for dinner tonight. I have to take Owen and Raymond to their first swimming lessons at 6:20! I'm very excited for them.

Fat and Sunburned

I know the title is not very nice about myself, but I've learned that the truth hurts. Just like seeing pictures of myself from this weekend at my parents lake house with the kids!! WOW! I knew that I am overweight but for real? How did I get this way?? I understand how I have stayed this way...but how did I get THIS way?

So I hadn't posted in a few days because I was first getting ready for my trip to MO with just me and the kids and then I was in MO until late last night when we finally made it home. I had NO intentions of starting my diet until after getting back from vacation because I knew it would be a horrible trip if I was just starting a new health craze, so instead I went through an eating frenzy. I know, totally unhealthy and gross, but my mom made enough food to feed us all for a week, and no one rarely cooks different and yummy foods for me, so I took advantage. I ate, then ate some more, then even when my stomach was full and stretched to the max I ate some more. I drank a little wine and enjoyed myself. Glutenous. Terrible, I know. However I looked at pictures of me with the kids and almost cried at myself. I am my own worst enemy. I so want to crop myself out of the pictures with the kids, but it's pictures of me helping the boys learn how to fish and cook hot dogs over a fire and put Tess in the pool for the first time. So they are all memorable moments, so it'd be sad for me to not be there. So I will stay in the pictures and they will be a reminder that I cannot look this way again.

I got back home last night and wrote in my food journal my goals for today which were very simple....eat less, skip the junk, try and keep track of my weight watchers points and drink less caffeine free diet coke (which is a staple in my current diet). So far so good. I'm proud of myself today. I thought because I ate so much this weekend that I would be hungrier today, but I think the pictures of me are branded onto my brain and I am embarrassed at how I look.

Today I have enjoyed foods such as a small slice of home made banana bread for breakfast and a fat free blueberry yogurt. For lunch I had a turkey sandwich on whole wheat flat bread with some veggies and that's it for the day so far. If any of you have any really good low fat recipes for meals for the family that even Tony would eat I'd love to try them!!

Beyond the fat part and the glutenous weekend, I had a fabulous time! We spent a great deal of time on my dad's boat, fishing, or riding around, sipping wine, cooking hotdogs over the fire, making smores with the kids, watching fireworks. I missed Tony, but still had a great time. I felt good about being able to do a trip with four kiddos too. That was a super ego boost. The kids had a ton of fun too. None of us got sunburned until our last day there when we just jumped on the boat for about an hour. I lathered up the kids in sunscreen and my arms and some of my face but missed my chest and neck and now have a HUGE red sunburn there. Oh well. It's evidence that I had fun in the sun!

So start your cheering. I need all the encouragement I can get! Today is the official start of my diet and I NEED to do well. I WANT to do well and I want to be a skinnier, healthier me.