"Yet another said, 'I will follow You, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home" Luke 9:61
Have you ever said that word "but"? It means you are unsure, self conscious, not confident, and uncommitted. You might want to do something...but...something gets in the way. You might want to be a certain way...but...you are too scared to change your habits or try something new. I think for many of us that word rears its ugly head quite often. Why is it so hard to get around that word? Why can't we just say, I want to go for a bike ride. Period. And then do it? Because we have that little foe of ours called the Devil that whispers in our ear. He causes doubt in us, He creates a fear in us that doesn't allow us to overcome. Sometimes I even feel that way in following the Lord.
I am very involved in my church I would say. I help plan events, I am at every worship service, I teach church classes, I cook meals, etc. I want to commit to everything but then I realize, where does that leave my husband and kids? Left to fend for themselves, unattached to me. That's not what I want either. I feel torn, just like the disciples did when they followed Jesus. They knew the risks. They knew that it would endanger their lives and it would be a hard road to follow...but...they also knew they had a family to take care of and other things to tend to. So eventually, many disciples would end up back at home. I understand that. I want to follow Jesus. I want to feel compelled to say yes to every thing at church and to do everything I can to spread his word - but I also realize that God blessed me with the 4 most beautiful children I could imagine, inside and out, and the most amazing husband. He gave me these people to grow, and fill with his Word, and to teach them about Jesus, so that one day they might be great witnesses to others. Maybe they will grow up and help the sick, feed the hungry, love others the way God wants us too. That is if I do my job right.
So yes, I still have a habit of over booking myself at church things, but that is my "free time" and I know I am needed there - BUT - I have also come to understand my other purpose that the Lord has given me and I am embracing that. I am a teacher at home too, and it is probably my most important role. So the word but is not interfering with my life right now. I have prayed to overcome this burdening word and now say yes to some things and no to others without finding that pesky word thrown in. I can do both. I just have to work hard at helping wherever God wants me to help. So I will follow you Jesus, wherever you take me. Without fear, without reservation, because I know you will always be there for me. Trust in the Lord!
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please help me in organizing my life so that I may help where I am needed at church and teach my young children to follow you. Guide me daily to make the right choices that will benefit the church and my family and help me to continue to overcome the fear and doubt that the word 'but' can instill in people. By doing this, please help me to tune out the doubting words of the Devil whispering in my ears and help me to hear the trumpets of Heaven and the words from the Bible to keep me on the right path. Fill me with courage that I may follow wherever you lead me.
Amen
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
How can I be chosen??
John 15:16-19 You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that you should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remin; that whatsoever you shall ask of the Father in My name, He may give it you. These things I command you, that you love one another. If the world hate you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love his own; but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you
Again with the 'me' and 'I' statments. It's so hard to get away from them in this life. It's so hard to make everything you do selfless when as humans we need so much! But the question, am I chosen to do this or this has come into my head a lot lately. I know that God has a plan for each of us, and none of us are accidents. We are all part of His plan. Sometimes people have a very hard time giving their lives to the Lord and letting him direct their path, me included. I was inspired to write today because I have been so busy lately with life and church and date nights with my kids, but I was reading in a prayer book that I had gotten from my LWML Convention last summer and was reinspired! Here is the message I read that made me feel alot better about my lack of acknowledging that God chose me as His people! This excerpt is taken from the book 'You Make A Difference' by Alma Kern.
Yes!You!
Moses was one of the greatest men of all times. He was the leader of God's ancient people.
How did Moses react when God chose him? He made all kinds of excuses: They won't believe me. They won't do what I tell them. I'm not a good speaker. O Lord, please send someone else. (sound familiar?)
What God tells us to do is often not what we want to be doing. We look for excuses. We put ourselves down, so we'll be excused.
Jesus is our Savior, also our Lord and Master. He laid down his life for us. He expects us to live our life for Him.
A few of our assignments are: Love your neighbor, forgive those who hurt you. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who mistreat you. Be salt of the earth, light of the world. Be a witness, tell other people about Jesus.
We are inclined to respon, " Who? Me? You've got more confidence in me than I have. I can't do these things. No way! O Lord, please send someone else."
We may be tempted to ask, "Who? Me?" We already know the anser: Yes! You!
We all do this, don't we? We don't stand confidently in the Lord? We are cowards and are afraid to to be bold and take ownership of our Christian tasks!
I have many things going on at church right now. I am teaching midweek, helping with all youth activities and planning, a member of the choir, on the board of Evangelism, in LWML and a women's circle, and the chair of the National Youth Gathering committee. But I am addicted. I need more more more! Church is not a responsibility to me anymore, it is my enjoyment, my free time and my outlet. I recently found an awesome women's Bible study that I wanted to do with a small group, and showed it to my friend at church and was pleased that she was so excited about it, she wanted to open it up to the whole church! I feel my path with the Lord is pulling me (sometimes in different directions) but I feel like I am gaining confidence in my roles and have talents at the Church in certain areas.
I am no longer asking am I worthy or why am I chosen for this all the time (only some of the time). I am enjoying sharing my talents with others and using some of my talents to help the church. I hope to continue to help with whatever I can.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the talents you have given to me. Please help me to continue to use those talents to be selfless and help others. Help me to not question your path for me and to give my life to you daily. Thank you for my church and my friends that appreciate me for me and accept me as another chosen member of their congregation. Thank you for all these gifts.
Amen
Again with the 'me' and 'I' statments. It's so hard to get away from them in this life. It's so hard to make everything you do selfless when as humans we need so much! But the question, am I chosen to do this or this has come into my head a lot lately. I know that God has a plan for each of us, and none of us are accidents. We are all part of His plan. Sometimes people have a very hard time giving their lives to the Lord and letting him direct their path, me included. I was inspired to write today because I have been so busy lately with life and church and date nights with my kids, but I was reading in a prayer book that I had gotten from my LWML Convention last summer and was reinspired! Here is the message I read that made me feel alot better about my lack of acknowledging that God chose me as His people! This excerpt is taken from the book 'You Make A Difference' by Alma Kern.
Yes!You!
Moses was one of the greatest men of all times. He was the leader of God's ancient people.
How did Moses react when God chose him? He made all kinds of excuses: They won't believe me. They won't do what I tell them. I'm not a good speaker. O Lord, please send someone else. (sound familiar?)
What God tells us to do is often not what we want to be doing. We look for excuses. We put ourselves down, so we'll be excused.
Jesus is our Savior, also our Lord and Master. He laid down his life for us. He expects us to live our life for Him.
A few of our assignments are: Love your neighbor, forgive those who hurt you. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who mistreat you. Be salt of the earth, light of the world. Be a witness, tell other people about Jesus.
We are inclined to respon, " Who? Me? You've got more confidence in me than I have. I can't do these things. No way! O Lord, please send someone else."
We may be tempted to ask, "Who? Me?" We already know the anser: Yes! You!
We all do this, don't we? We don't stand confidently in the Lord? We are cowards and are afraid to to be bold and take ownership of our Christian tasks!
I have many things going on at church right now. I am teaching midweek, helping with all youth activities and planning, a member of the choir, on the board of Evangelism, in LWML and a women's circle, and the chair of the National Youth Gathering committee. But I am addicted. I need more more more! Church is not a responsibility to me anymore, it is my enjoyment, my free time and my outlet. I recently found an awesome women's Bible study that I wanted to do with a small group, and showed it to my friend at church and was pleased that she was so excited about it, she wanted to open it up to the whole church! I feel my path with the Lord is pulling me (sometimes in different directions) but I feel like I am gaining confidence in my roles and have talents at the Church in certain areas.
I am no longer asking am I worthy or why am I chosen for this all the time (only some of the time). I am enjoying sharing my talents with others and using some of my talents to help the church. I hope to continue to help with whatever I can.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the talents you have given to me. Please help me to continue to use those talents to be selfless and help others. Help me to not question your path for me and to give my life to you daily. Thank you for my church and my friends that appreciate me for me and accept me as another chosen member of their congregation. Thank you for all these gifts.
Amen
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Jesus is the Reason for the Season
Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace
Us as Christians know this. That Jesus is the reason of the season, but even as Christians, we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of decorations, trees, baking, shopping, gifts and greed. What should be a time of year to become closer to our Lord and celebrate the most wonderful day of the world, his birth, has even been manipulated by the Devil. Once again that Devil has found a way to entice us and wrap us up in the unimportant aspects of this holiday. The original concept of gift giving was a way to show people love, but now it is a way to buy people's love. People are consumed with buying, and wanting, the most expensive and up to date gifts and kids are disappointed when parents and "Santa" don't buy them everything in the entire toy store and don't realize they don't need it. Want, want, want. It is the word that makes this world selfish. I try to explain it to my kids, but even they are selfish about gifts. They look through the Toys R Us Big book and say they want it to everything (except the girl toys). I feel like I haven't taught them very well how to celebrate Jesus on this Holiday.
Just the other day I told my oldest, who is now 7 1/2, that we are attending worship service at 10am on Christmas Sunday, and he got mad!! I was shocked. I know he knows what Christmas is all about, but his reaction to having to go to church on one of the two most important days of the year, instead of staying home to play with his new treasures, made my heart unhappy. How do I draw that fine line. It's ok to get a few gifts at Christmas but it's NOT ok to be greedy and forget the real reason for the holiday. Jesus comes first! How did he miss that lesson? I think this year we are going to heavily concentrate on the story of the nativity and the real story of Christmas and remind them that the gifts are just a bonus, but not the reason for the holiday.
I want it to come naturally for my kids to just live with Christ in their hearts. I know that this is difficult for all humans because we are sinful beings, but I want them to wear Christ daily more than the average person. I want them to strive for that too.
Us as Christians know this. That Jesus is the reason of the season, but even as Christians, we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of decorations, trees, baking, shopping, gifts and greed. What should be a time of year to become closer to our Lord and celebrate the most wonderful day of the world, his birth, has even been manipulated by the Devil. Once again that Devil has found a way to entice us and wrap us up in the unimportant aspects of this holiday. The original concept of gift giving was a way to show people love, but now it is a way to buy people's love. People are consumed with buying, and wanting, the most expensive and up to date gifts and kids are disappointed when parents and "Santa" don't buy them everything in the entire toy store and don't realize they don't need it. Want, want, want. It is the word that makes this world selfish. I try to explain it to my kids, but even they are selfish about gifts. They look through the Toys R Us Big book and say they want it to everything (except the girl toys). I feel like I haven't taught them very well how to celebrate Jesus on this Holiday.
Just the other day I told my oldest, who is now 7 1/2, that we are attending worship service at 10am on Christmas Sunday, and he got mad!! I was shocked. I know he knows what Christmas is all about, but his reaction to having to go to church on one of the two most important days of the year, instead of staying home to play with his new treasures, made my heart unhappy. How do I draw that fine line. It's ok to get a few gifts at Christmas but it's NOT ok to be greedy and forget the real reason for the holiday. Jesus comes first! How did he miss that lesson? I think this year we are going to heavily concentrate on the story of the nativity and the real story of Christmas and remind them that the gifts are just a bonus, but not the reason for the holiday.
I want it to come naturally for my kids to just live with Christ in their hearts. I know that this is difficult for all humans because we are sinful beings, but I want them to wear Christ daily more than the average person. I want them to strive for that too.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Lord I lift your name on high!
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. I'm sure you all have heard or at some point in your life even sang this church song. It's about telling everyone the good news of Jesus, not hiding him but sharing him and the light he gives us when we know him. If we share our light and pass it on, then the next person passes it on, then we could light up the whole world! Wouldn't that be nice? Too bad it's not that easy. Too bad we have the Devil to contend with that wiggles into our hearts and minds and pushes us to make bad decisions and act in an ungodly manner. It's a battle that each of us fights everyday.
I can't believe it's been 4 months again since I've posted on this blog. It has been a whirlwind for the last few months and I am just trying to keep my head screwed on tight. I feel lifted up lately. I feel closer to God than I ever have in my life and I am doing my best to share my faith and surround myself by faith centered people. I have become even more involved in our church lately and feel motivated and led by God to work with the youth of our church. My brain moves a thousand miles a minute thinking of new ideas to try and get the youth more involved and more motivated and have been working directly with the Youth Director of our church to help wherever I can. Since my last post I have convinced our Youth Director that we need to take our youth to the National LCMS Youth Gathering in San Antonio, TX in July 2013. She has never been herself - I went in 1998 to Atlanta, GA and it was by far the most amazing thing I've ever done in my Christian life. I can't even explain to our youth how awesome it was and will be for them, and they aren't yet convinced that it is what they want to do, but I'm hoping to convince them. It is an awesome experience to worship and praise the Lord with 30,000 other youth and leaders from across the country.
Though my motivation is to work with the youth and I feel God leading me in that direction, I feel that I am failing miserably as a parent. I take the kids to church each Sunday and they are involved in all that they can be at church for their age, but once we get home I drop the ball. I say things about Jesus from time to time, but don't do any children's devotionals with them, or read them Christian stories or talk about Jesus in everything we do, and I strive to be much better about that. I don't want them to think that being a Christian stops at the door of the church. I also pray that my own family (sisters and parents) will find the Lord again and find a church that they can become a part of and worship with because we all went every Sunday growing up and it makes me sad that they aren't as active as they used to be. So I will continue my work on myself and with the Lord. As we approach this Advent season I hope you all feel closer to the Lord and find a church that you can worship at and be a part of. It's so important to keep Him close. "If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit" Galatians 5:25
God help me to put the spirit of the Lord in my own children daily and teach them about their Savior and his sacrifice for us and His love that is never ending. I pray that I can teach them to talk to the Lord daily and serve Him in all they do and not be afraid to tell others about their love for Jesus. I also pray that I can help my parents and sisters find the Lord again and realize that making time for the Lord, as they used to do, will renew them daily. -Amen.
I can't believe it's been 4 months again since I've posted on this blog. It has been a whirlwind for the last few months and I am just trying to keep my head screwed on tight. I feel lifted up lately. I feel closer to God than I ever have in my life and I am doing my best to share my faith and surround myself by faith centered people. I have become even more involved in our church lately and feel motivated and led by God to work with the youth of our church. My brain moves a thousand miles a minute thinking of new ideas to try and get the youth more involved and more motivated and have been working directly with the Youth Director of our church to help wherever I can. Since my last post I have convinced our Youth Director that we need to take our youth to the National LCMS Youth Gathering in San Antonio, TX in July 2013. She has never been herself - I went in 1998 to Atlanta, GA and it was by far the most amazing thing I've ever done in my Christian life. I can't even explain to our youth how awesome it was and will be for them, and they aren't yet convinced that it is what they want to do, but I'm hoping to convince them. It is an awesome experience to worship and praise the Lord with 30,000 other youth and leaders from across the country.
Though my motivation is to work with the youth and I feel God leading me in that direction, I feel that I am failing miserably as a parent. I take the kids to church each Sunday and they are involved in all that they can be at church for their age, but once we get home I drop the ball. I say things about Jesus from time to time, but don't do any children's devotionals with them, or read them Christian stories or talk about Jesus in everything we do, and I strive to be much better about that. I don't want them to think that being a Christian stops at the door of the church. I also pray that my own family (sisters and parents) will find the Lord again and find a church that they can become a part of and worship with because we all went every Sunday growing up and it makes me sad that they aren't as active as they used to be. So I will continue my work on myself and with the Lord. As we approach this Advent season I hope you all feel closer to the Lord and find a church that you can worship at and be a part of. It's so important to keep Him close. "If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit" Galatians 5:25
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Wow, changes.
So I realized that I hadn't posted on this blog in five months. The realization of this is also that that was about the last time I really worked out, so needless to say I haven't lost any weight. I have discovered that I have no time for anything besides getting through my days. I hope that as my kids get just a bit older, I can begin to work on myself in many ways. So since my progress is so slow physically, then I have decided to make changes in other areas of my life where it isn't so time consuming. One of those things is my church and spiritual life. I have always been a church goer, minus my hiatus during college years. Over the last five years we have gotten really involved in our church and it feels good to be with people of a like faith and passion for Christ again.
So with that said, I have decided that as much as I'd like something to be about me to make my life separate from my children, from my husband, from my friends, and family, the one that I can NEVER be separate from is Christ. He is with me in everything that I do and everywhere that I go. Good or bad, thick or thin, he is with me until the end. So with that knowledge, I can't honestly say it's All About Me anymore, I should say It's All About Him. I am trying to live my life for Him and raise my children in His image and even with weight loss, it's to be healthy so I can be a better witness for him for a longer time.
My passion in Christ was renewed back in June, when I was chosen for our NE district to be a Young Women Representative at the National Lutheran Women in Mission League in Peoria, IL. It was an honor of sorts and it was a chance for me to learn how to Live on the Edge. I had never left my four kids for five days, or had never been thrown into a situation where I wouldn't know anyone except for a small handful of other church women. But I have ideas, and I have goals for my Church, for my position as a young woman witness for Christ. This was an opportunity to learn how, to equip myself with the tools needed to do something more than just cook hot dogs at a church function. I want to inspire someone else to join LWML, or our church or better yet, to follow Christ!
So this blog is taking a detour. It is following a path that is directed toward the Lord. We have our seat belts on and I will hopefully be making a difference in someone else's life. It is NOT All About Me, as much as it would be nice to be for five minutes a day, but it is All About Him and our journey to Him. Maybe things I have to say will be profound, and maybe they will be a bore. But we won't know until I try. So I hope you'll stay with me and hear my thoughts, since they seem to be getting a better work out then my waist or butt.
And they realized they had been with Jesus. "For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard". Acts 4:13b &20
So with that said, I have decided that as much as I'd like something to be about me to make my life separate from my children, from my husband, from my friends, and family, the one that I can NEVER be separate from is Christ. He is with me in everything that I do and everywhere that I go. Good or bad, thick or thin, he is with me until the end. So with that knowledge, I can't honestly say it's All About Me anymore, I should say It's All About Him. I am trying to live my life for Him and raise my children in His image and even with weight loss, it's to be healthy so I can be a better witness for him for a longer time.
My passion in Christ was renewed back in June, when I was chosen for our NE district to be a Young Women Representative at the National Lutheran Women in Mission League in Peoria, IL. It was an honor of sorts and it was a chance for me to learn how to Live on the Edge. I had never left my four kids for five days, or had never been thrown into a situation where I wouldn't know anyone except for a small handful of other church women. But I have ideas, and I have goals for my Church, for my position as a young woman witness for Christ. This was an opportunity to learn how, to equip myself with the tools needed to do something more than just cook hot dogs at a church function. I want to inspire someone else to join LWML, or our church or better yet, to follow Christ!
So this blog is taking a detour. It is following a path that is directed toward the Lord. We have our seat belts on and I will hopefully be making a difference in someone else's life. It is NOT All About Me, as much as it would be nice to be for five minutes a day, but it is All About Him and our journey to Him. Maybe things I have to say will be profound, and maybe they will be a bore. But we won't know until I try. So I hope you'll stay with me and hear my thoughts, since they seem to be getting a better work out then my waist or butt.
And they realized they had been with Jesus. "For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard". Acts 4:13b &20
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Feel the Burn!
So I realize that I have been MIA once again. As you can all imagine life with 4 kids and running to and from school and running my daycare leaves very little time for typing on my blog! But here it is. I feel inspired tonight so I want to share.
It has been over a month now since I last talked to you. Let me update you on my soda diaries....I am still drinking the occasional soda but have limited it to once or twice a week rather than five a day. So I am still very proud of myself. I don't feel like I have failed at this because I've cut it down by more than half the amount and I never said I couldn't have it every once in awhile like a treat. Some people have ice cream and I have an occasional caffeine free diet coke.
I have NOT been working on training for a marathon like I had said at one point but would still like to do that. A friend of mine is doing the Couch to 5k program and I want to try it too, but feel I need to be in just a bit better shape because I have been sedentary for many many years. So first I thought I'd try my workout videos. Which leads me to the fact that I have done nothing in the last month in way of losing weight. Besides drinking less soda, I have not eaten better or worked out even once. Until now....
This week has been a transition week for me. I realized that I'm 30! Yes it's true I am. Close your mouth. As shocking as that is, it brought a realization to mind that in 10 years I am going to be 40 and even less able to lose weight and be healthy. I am extremely fearful of dying of a heart attack in my late 40's or 50's. Heart disease runs in my family, especially in women, and that being the number one killer of women causes me to worry. I have extreme amounts of stress in my daily life....loading and unloading kids in my 15 passenger van, ages 1-7 (10-11 of them) is more stressful than you can imagine. My body and spirit can't take it much more. I feel my heart racing and I just imagine one of these days it bursting. Not healthy. On top of that stress I don't get nearly as much sleep as I should, which is another risk factor for heart attack. In addition to both of these things, people with larger middles are also at higher risks for heart attack because it causes greater strain on the heart. See where I'm going with this?? So fearful of my life being cut short by such a horrible health problem, I have determined to try and be as proactive as I can. I'm going to make an appointment for a full physical and lose weight and eat better to lower cholesterol and get fit.
You are probably thinking that these are many people's goals, but I feel so fearful of my future health risks that it spurs me on and motivates me to keep pushing myself. So this week, after watching a documentary about heart risks and problems, I started logging my food and trying to estimate my old Weight Watchers points. I figured even if I can't afford to do the program, I have all the information from when I did it after having Judd that I can at least estimate and that would be better than doing nothing at all. Then tonight I pushed myself even further. With my Christmas money I had bought three workout dvds. Biggest Loser Cardio Max, Biggest Loser BootCamp DVD, and Jillian Michaels 30 Minute Shred.
*Side story*...With each consecutive pregnancy my abdominal muscles got more and more separated until they permanently separated. This is technically a muscle tissue injury and I literally have NO abdominal muscle left. This is partly why I look six months pregnant all the time. Nothing is holding my belly in. It's called a Diastasis Closure. Because my abdominal muscles are so weak, it is the cause of all my lower back trouble and my back going out (to the point that I am laid up in bed for 3 days straight on muscle relaxers). So due to these issues I started going to a Physical Therapist once a month. She taught me a bunch of moves but said whatever you do, don't do situps or crunches, etc. cause that causes it to re-separate. So I can only do the exercises she gave me to do for now until this problem hopefully heals. Which takes a super long time! So in my workout videos I cannot do the specific abdominal workouts. I can do knee lifts and that sort of thing, but not getting on the floor doing crunches, etc.
(On with the story). So tonight I tried to do my Jillian Michaels video, but she has a whole segment of ab workouts, so I turned that one off and pulled out my Biggest Loser Cardio Max. I did the warm up, Level 1, and cool down, for a total of 30 minutes. I did the WHOLE thing and am already so sore I couldn't walk up my basement steps. But I feel good. I love that work out soreness, so I'm not complaining. Hopefully if I can keep it up I will notice big changes very soon. They say heavier people lose more weight initially...so here's hoping. My oldest sister is getting married probably in early November, so that gives me a 9 month deadline to lose as much weight as possible to look good. I don't want to be the fat sister standing up there. So follow my journey of weight loss cause I am back on track and feeling good. I will have ups and downs, but am hoping to lose at least 30-50 pounds by then if not more! So say prayers and think positive motivating thoughts for me! I want so badly to do this.
So here we go!!!
It has been over a month now since I last talked to you. Let me update you on my soda diaries....I am still drinking the occasional soda but have limited it to once or twice a week rather than five a day. So I am still very proud of myself. I don't feel like I have failed at this because I've cut it down by more than half the amount and I never said I couldn't have it every once in awhile like a treat. Some people have ice cream and I have an occasional caffeine free diet coke.
I have NOT been working on training for a marathon like I had said at one point but would still like to do that. A friend of mine is doing the Couch to 5k program and I want to try it too, but feel I need to be in just a bit better shape because I have been sedentary for many many years. So first I thought I'd try my workout videos. Which leads me to the fact that I have done nothing in the last month in way of losing weight. Besides drinking less soda, I have not eaten better or worked out even once. Until now....
This week has been a transition week for me. I realized that I'm 30! Yes it's true I am. Close your mouth. As shocking as that is, it brought a realization to mind that in 10 years I am going to be 40 and even less able to lose weight and be healthy. I am extremely fearful of dying of a heart attack in my late 40's or 50's. Heart disease runs in my family, especially in women, and that being the number one killer of women causes me to worry. I have extreme amounts of stress in my daily life....loading and unloading kids in my 15 passenger van, ages 1-7 (10-11 of them) is more stressful than you can imagine. My body and spirit can't take it much more. I feel my heart racing and I just imagine one of these days it bursting. Not healthy. On top of that stress I don't get nearly as much sleep as I should, which is another risk factor for heart attack. In addition to both of these things, people with larger middles are also at higher risks for heart attack because it causes greater strain on the heart. See where I'm going with this?? So fearful of my life being cut short by such a horrible health problem, I have determined to try and be as proactive as I can. I'm going to make an appointment for a full physical and lose weight and eat better to lower cholesterol and get fit.
You are probably thinking that these are many people's goals, but I feel so fearful of my future health risks that it spurs me on and motivates me to keep pushing myself. So this week, after watching a documentary about heart risks and problems, I started logging my food and trying to estimate my old Weight Watchers points. I figured even if I can't afford to do the program, I have all the information from when I did it after having Judd that I can at least estimate and that would be better than doing nothing at all. Then tonight I pushed myself even further. With my Christmas money I had bought three workout dvds. Biggest Loser Cardio Max, Biggest Loser BootCamp DVD, and Jillian Michaels 30 Minute Shred.
*Side story*...With each consecutive pregnancy my abdominal muscles got more and more separated until they permanently separated. This is technically a muscle tissue injury and I literally have NO abdominal muscle left. This is partly why I look six months pregnant all the time. Nothing is holding my belly in. It's called a Diastasis Closure. Because my abdominal muscles are so weak, it is the cause of all my lower back trouble and my back going out (to the point that I am laid up in bed for 3 days straight on muscle relaxers). So due to these issues I started going to a Physical Therapist once a month. She taught me a bunch of moves but said whatever you do, don't do situps or crunches, etc. cause that causes it to re-separate. So I can only do the exercises she gave me to do for now until this problem hopefully heals. Which takes a super long time! So in my workout videos I cannot do the specific abdominal workouts. I can do knee lifts and that sort of thing, but not getting on the floor doing crunches, etc.
(On with the story). So tonight I tried to do my Jillian Michaels video, but she has a whole segment of ab workouts, so I turned that one off and pulled out my Biggest Loser Cardio Max. I did the warm up, Level 1, and cool down, for a total of 30 minutes. I did the WHOLE thing and am already so sore I couldn't walk up my basement steps. But I feel good. I love that work out soreness, so I'm not complaining. Hopefully if I can keep it up I will notice big changes very soon. They say heavier people lose more weight initially...so here's hoping. My oldest sister is getting married probably in early November, so that gives me a 9 month deadline to lose as much weight as possible to look good. I don't want to be the fat sister standing up there. So follow my journey of weight loss cause I am back on track and feeling good. I will have ups and downs, but am hoping to lose at least 30-50 pounds by then if not more! So say prayers and think positive motivating thoughts for me! I want so badly to do this.
So here we go!!!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Soda Diaries
Oh Soda how I love thee. You fulfill my thristy needs. You have always been there when I needed you. Even when three years ago I switched to Diet and a year and a half a go I switched to Caffeine free Diet. You must have known this was coming. I have been wanting to quit you for so long, but your control over me was too great. I was weaning myself off the calories then off the caffeine but still couldn't go a day without drinking at least 4 of you. UNTIL NOW! I am stronger now. I can do this. You are no good for me, except on an occasional out to dinner type of night for a treat, but no more. Don't come knocking on my door. I have made a deal with my oldest son and he is more important then you. Raymond has been motivating me for a few months now, keeping tabs on how many I drank. Now Owen and I have made a deal. No more soda for me and no more sucking thumb for him. Sounds fair. Both are just as addictive.
I vow to not be a hypocrite. I have told my children for so long now that they are not allowed soda because it is bad for them and kids don't need soda. Even when all my daycare kids and their school friends tell me they drink soda all the time, I am always disgusted that kids are drinking soda. I hate seeing a kid with a can of soda in their hand when we are out and about. I hate it so much for my kids, but haven't had the guts to quit it myself. Until now! I am empowered. Yesterday was day one of mine and Owen's agreement and I have succeeded. It started out as running out of soda in the house and I ran with it. Even when Tony brought home a 24 pack of his favorite soda yesterday I had no desire to drink it. I am totally motivated to succeed because I do not want to be a failure to my kids or myself!
So soda I say to you....good day!
I vow to not be a hypocrite. I have told my children for so long now that they are not allowed soda because it is bad for them and kids don't need soda. Even when all my daycare kids and their school friends tell me they drink soda all the time, I am always disgusted that kids are drinking soda. I hate seeing a kid with a can of soda in their hand when we are out and about. I hate it so much for my kids, but haven't had the guts to quit it myself. Until now! I am empowered. Yesterday was day one of mine and Owen's agreement and I have succeeded. It started out as running out of soda in the house and I ran with it. Even when Tony brought home a 24 pack of his favorite soda yesterday I had no desire to drink it. I am totally motivated to succeed because I do not want to be a failure to my kids or myself!
So soda I say to you....good day!
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